


Black Coffee

by quantumoddity



Series: Perc'ildan [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Communication, Consent, First Meetings, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Sex Work, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Vax'ildan (Critical Role), light mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-09-28 03:35:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Vax'ildan needs a way to make money. Life got pretty rough after Syldor cut him off and he and his sister found themselves living in a tiny apartment in the city.He needs a quick way to make some money. What he finds is Percival de Rolo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alittlebitoftheuniverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoftheuniverse/gifts).

Always meet them in a public place. 

That had been the prevailing advice when he’d looked on the Internet, when he’d asked Molly’s mother, when he’d finally decided to do this slightly crazy thing. 

So Vax had messaged back, after stewing over those handful of words for nearly half a day, after they’d popped up with a unusually cheery message chime that honestly was a bit of a weird choice for an online sex forum. Though Vax didn’t know what else he’d expected. A moan of lust maybe, every time a message from his anonymous friend came in?

_ I’d like to meet you and talk about this face to face. _

He’d replied, sat cross legged in his underwear on the bed that took up the majority of the space. He’d have called his bedroom the box room of the apartment, if his sister’s hadn’t been equally as claustrophobic. 

_ 1pm tomorrow at the Blooming Grove café? It’s on fifth street. _

Vax thought it was a good choice. Nice, airy and Caduceus made the best coffee he’d ever had in the whole city. Also it wouldn’t hurt to be in a place where there would always be a stronger-than-he-seemed, seven foot tall friend within earshot. 

He’d frowned than, tugging at a loose strand of ink black hair that had come loose from his bun. He’d told himself he was overthinking this. Catastrophizing, that’s what the CBT book his sister had lent him called it. Odds were this guy was just a nice enough, probably lonely middle-aged man. If anything seemed off, Vax could easily just politely decline and get out of there. He’d escaped from far worse. 

Besides, maybe the offer would scare him off. Maybe Orthax- obviously not his real name but his username on the website- would lose his nerve and shut down and that would just be the end of it. 

But then the reply came, less than five minutes after Vax’s offer when he’d taken five hours. 

_ I know it, good choice. See you there. I’ll have a red carnation.  _

Vax had smiled at that, maybe even snorted a little. How romance novel. How Gone with the Wind. 

It was a little sweet. 

His estimation of the guy’s age had shot up but the amount he feared for his life went down. 

And now he was sat here, at the comfy table for two right in the window, the one with the black iron seats and the mosaic table top. Dark eyes flicking to his watch, he noted it was now five minutes past one and there wasn’t a single flash of red to be found amongst the dinner crowd. 

What if he never showed up? Maybe Orthax had lost his nerve at the last minute. 

Vax frowned and leaned back in his chair, trying to figure out how that made him feel. 

It wasn’t like he was dying to be someone’s sugar baby. After all, if he felt completely, 110% okay with it, he wouldn’t have lied about where he was going to his sister when she’d asked, dashing back to grab her forgotten lunch and seeing him half in, half out of his leather jacket, chasing Trinket around for his second shoe. He’d told her he was going to meet another art director, once she’d wrenched his now dripping shoe from her hairball of a dog.

And instantly regretted that lie, when he’d seen how her face lit up with hope for him. 

Truth was, he thought as he took another sip of his black coffee to match how bitter he felt inside, the auditions had been very thin on the ground lately and even the few he did get didn’t go very far. Most directors wouldn’t even see him dance, not once he told them he was trans. 

No auditions meant no jobs. No jobs meant no money coming in. And he and Vex would rather lose the apartment than ask Syldor for money, after he’d made it so acidly plain they wouldn’t be seeing another penny as long as Vax lived as himself. 

The old man could rot as far as Vax was concerned. 

He sighed, screwing up his face, fingers tight on his own arms. He was getting angry again, he could feel it, the kind of anger that could so easily make him say and do stupid things. But it was so much simpler to get mad at his bigoted ass of a father than at the whole world, the world that just didn’t seem to want to let him be happy, the world that had always been so unfair to him, the world that had left him sat here, messaging random people on the internet, offering to sell himself, hoping for one last chance to not fuck his whole life up. 

“Are you…sorry, this is going to sound insane if I’m wrong but are you Raven?”

Vax opened his eyes, startled. 

Well, he was a hell of a lot younger than he’d been expecting. Wasn’t half bad on the eyes either. 

“I am. You’re Orthax?”

Tall, very tall. Human. White hair but it had to be the result of dye rather than age, no one with naturally white hair would wear it in such a neat, subtle undercut. Shockingly blue, tired looking eyes behind a pair of circular, gold rimmed glasses. Stubble creeping up his jaw. Looked like he needed a good night’s sleep. 

The guy’s face wrinkled in gentle embarrassment, “Yeah. Sorry, it’s a rather stupid username. I didn’t think how bad it would sound out loud.” 

His voice was prim, sculpted, a borderline ridiculously high society accent. But it was the only thing about him that gave any hint of the wealth Vax assumed he’d have; his clothes were dark and simple, no logos or brands, just dark blue jeans and a pain grey collared shirt that was a little oversized. Wait, no, there was a ring on his finger. The gleam of real gold, a crest too small to make out from his distance. 

Vax cracked a smile, “It’s fine. Doesn’t have a reference to the size of your genitals so it’s better than most I see on there.”

The guy laughed, a short, bark of a laugh like he didn’t do it very often, “Even so. Now we’ve met face to face, can I be Percy?”

“Sure,” he nodded, “Then I’m Vax’ildan. Vax for short.”

“Lovely. Can I get you a drink, Vax?” 

He tipped his mug, judging that he had maybe two swallows left. Having two drinks at a café was rank extravagance on Vax’s budget, even with Caduceus’ heavy friends discount, and all of a sudden the idea of having one bought for him seemed strange. But he was going to have to get used to that if this was going to work.

“Sure. Black coffee please and an amount of sugar I’m not comfortable telling you right now. The guy behind the counter knows.” 

That made Percy laugh again, “Sure. A gentleman after my own heart.” 

Vax paused as he watched Percy move through the maze of mismatched tables to the counter (Caduceus didn’t have the best eye for organisation). Being called a gentleman had gave him a happy little tightness in his stomach and it was probably good that he’d been able to make the guy laugh twice. So far so good. 

Vax had always been very good at reading people in a short space of time. It was partly good intuition, partly a strong sense of empathy inherited from his mother, partly survival instinct from his years with Syldor, trying to work out how much he could trust people, how much he could be himself versus how much he’d need to lie. 

It was serving him well as it ever had in trying to set up this delicate arrangement, helping him reject a handful of people and decide Percy was the only one he was going to agree to meet. And it was telling him a lot about Percy right now. 

He seemed sad. There was no other word for it. There were too many lines around his eyes for someone as young as he was, down turned ones that clearly didn’t come from smiling. That shirt wasn’t doing a good job of concealing how slender he was, his nails were bitten uncomfortably close, there were old burns and scars on his hands and he’d missed part of his hair when he’d brushed it. And of course there was the fact that he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. It didn’t take a lot of Vax’s intuition to see that. 

In short, he looked a bit bedraggled. At first Vax had been stunned that someone with such good looks and, presumably, a lot of money needed to inquire after a sugar baby. But as he watched him fumble for change, exchange a few pleasantries with Caduceus and pick his way back over to their table with two mugs, he was starting to piece it together. 

Percy was just a little bit lost. He needed someone to hold his hand. 

Vax mentally shrugged. He could do that. 

“Here…” Percy sat the two coffees down, one in front of Vax, “I promise I didn’t look when he put the sugar in.” 

Vax smiled wanly, “I’m pretty sure he stints me every time. It’s for my own good.”

Percy slid into the chair opposite him, muffling a cough, “Sorry…and I’m sorry for being late too. Time got away from me when I was working.”

“Oh? What do you do?” It was as good a place as any to make a start. 

The tips of Percy’s ears reddened, “Well. Not work as in for my job. It’s…well, tinkering? Just messing around with machinery for my own amusement. I have a little work shop in my apartment.” 

“Sounds interesting,” Vax smiled, wondering if he could be paid for his company in putting up all that flatpack furniture that was still sitting around in his own place. 

“Well…” that seemed to please him, “I’ve made a few things. Odds and ends, patented a few things actually…” 

Vax filed that away for something to return to later, something to do a little research on, “So what’s your day job?” 

The discomfort returned a little, though it seemed a well-worn kind, something he was used to, “I, uh…I run my family’s company. Whitestone Industries.” 

Vax nearly choked on his coffee, “Wait, what? Seriously?”

It was one of those ubiquitous household names, a little silver stamp on everything from electronics to massive civil engineering projects and charity initiatives. So huge and all encompassing, it was hard to imagine it as a family business.

Fuck, he’d suspected anyone with a kink for having a kept partner would have a fair amount of spending money but he hadn’t expected an oligarch.

“Yeah…” Percy looked down awkwardly, tracing his finger between the pretty glass tiles on the table top, “I don’t do that much, the board just puts stuff in front of me and I sign it. It’s the surname really…they let me mess around in the aerospace engineering department sometimes.” 

Vax paused, his dismay fading. While he wasn’t about to feel sorry for someone who earned more money by the hour than his mother had ever seen in her life, he could see how that would be lonely. Having the pressures of your family bend and twist you into a position you couldn’t hold long before your muscles began to burn and your head swam.

He could understand that.

“Well…” Vax gave a friendly smile, soft and gentle as he could manage, “You’ve always got your work shop to come home to?”

“Yeah,” Percy looked up, like he really appreciated those words, “I do…so what do you like to do, Vax’ildan?”

“You can call me Vax,” he reminded him, leaning forward on his elbows. 

“I like saying it,” he said it like it was something he was admitting, “It’s beautiful.” 

Charming as well, huh? Vax was starting to think this whole thing was his very first good idea. 

“I’m a dancer,” he stirred his coffee idly, spoon ringing against the china, “Aspiring, really. It’s been a while since I had a gig. I do teach a class down at the community centre and my friend Mollymauk lets me choreograph for his shows. They do Shakespeare mostly so there’s not a lot of call for it but…”

He trailed off limply. He felt like he was in front of someone who remembered him from Syldor’s, meeting him in the street and asking politely how he was getting on, all the while both of them painfully aware that he’d been disowned and this entire conversation had been an unadulterated mess. 

But Percy had a smile in his voice, Vax heard it even when he didn’t lift his eyes to see, “That sounds lovely. I really admire anyone who has a creative job, especially people who teach others, I could never do that.” 

Vax’s eyes darted up, too stunned to worry that he was looking a bit of a fool, “Really?”

Percy blinked, even tilting his head a little like a puppy would, “Forgive me but…have you ever had a compliment before?”

Vax opened his mouth…and had to close it again, smiling sheepishly. After a moment, the two of them found themselves laughing quietly under the chatter contained within the café. What else was there to do?

“Glad I could be your first, anyway,” Percy’s laugh ended in a cough he muffled into the back of his hand, “I’ll make sure I throw in as many as I can in the future.”

Vax lifted an eyebrow, “Does that mean…this is going to be a thing? You and me?” 

Percy smiled playfully, eyes flashing a little, something Vax hadn’t even thought he would be capable of doing, “Well…I’d certainly be up for it though I think we should talk ground rules?”

Vax’s smile softened around the edges and any lingering worry that had survived in his chest died away at that moment. He was approaching this like a blueprint, of course, but there was comfort in that, reliability. 

“Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking, then?” He’d finished his second coffee at that point, a pleasant buzz starting up in his veins.

Percy nodded, ticking them off on his fingers as he went, suddenly becoming very business-like and formal, “I’d pay your rent, I understand that’s the main monetary concern for people. I’d also send you a number of gifts every month once I get a better idea of things you like though some would be sexual in nature. I’d send these to your apartment or you could keep a separate P.O box if you prefer to keep that information private.” 

Vax tried not to look too eager, though his heart was hammering in his chest, “And in exchange?” 

“A…we’ll call it a date for want of a better word though we’d be by no means exclusive, you could pursue any other relationships though I’d prefer to be the only one with whom you had this kind of…arrangement. But one date every fortnight at least. You can suggest activities but so can I, we’ll reach a compromise. If you need to cancel any, that’s fine, though I’d like it to be rearranged if possible.”

Vax was fighting a bemused smile at how much like a meeting this felt, “And how many of these dates would end in sex? All of them?”

Percy looked taken aback, “I’d…I’d never force sex on you, Vax’ildan, never. I’d like to be intimate with you but if there’s ever any night you’re not feeling it or you’re not in the mood that’s fine. You just have to tell me.” 

Vax’s amusement was replaced by surprise for a moment, surprise at the sincerity in Percy’s voice. He really did seem to care about Vax’s consent and comfort. Something that really shouldn’t come as a shock, he realised, but still…

“Understood. Same to you, of course,” he nodded. 

Percy looked relieved, apparently genuinely hating being thought of as a person who would demand sex simply because he was paying for it, “I’d also appreciate pictures, whenever the mood takes you. And…” he stopped suddenly, finally seeming shy and even a little embarrassed, “I’d just…I’d like a friend. Tell me how your day is going. Tell me what you thought of whatever was on TV last night. Stuff like that.” 

The expression on his face, which so clearly screamed that Percy hadn’t had that kind of friendliness in a very long time, that was what made Vax reach out and put his hand over Percy’s where it lay on the table. It hadn’t been a deliberate action, something he’d thought about, but he was glad he’d done it after Percy’s shame turned to relief and gratitude.

“That sounds perfectly reasonable,” Vax smiled, feeling Percy’s fingers turn under his to hold, knotting them together, “Got a contract you want me to sign or something?”

Percy smiled, blushing lightly under his gentle teasing, “No…sorry, a force of habit, I guess. Whenever you don’t know what to say at board meetings, if you use that kind of tone I’ve found they’ll leave you alone. Even if what you said was complete bullshit. So I guess I do it when I’m nervous?”

“Don’t be,” Vax grinned, “I think this is going to work out fine.” 

Percy was full of polite apologies that they couldn’t start things right away but he had work to get back to. Actual work, he promised, not his tinkering. 

But they exchanged numbers and Vax stood outside the café, watching his white haired saviour disappear into the crowds, clutching a fresh coffee to see him through the afternoon. It was getting cold but he lingered, waiting until he lost sight of Percy. Percy of the tired eyes and burned hands and family money he seemed so awkward about. Percy who smiled sweetly most of the time and darkly when he wanted to and asked for a friend. 

Vax smiled wryly to himself and turned himself back towards home. 

At least it wasn’t going to be boring. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax and Percy have their first date- for want of a better word. 
> 
> They find a lot of new things they enjoy, including being vulnerable.

Percy hadn’t dressed for a date in a very long time.

In fact, when he thought about it, he didn’t think he ever had. He’d only ever had one relationship, back at boarding school, and he’d only had two outfit choices back then. School uniform or rugby kit. Somehow he didn’t think he’d still be able to pull that off at thirty. 

He rifled through his wardrobe one more time, metal clacking reproachfully with each poor offering. Too boring…too stuffy…oil stains…oil stains…ripped… 

With a noise of frustration he hiked his bath towel further up his hips, it had started to slip. The only clothes he seemed to own were either designed for a mansion’s ballroom or not fit to be seen outside his workshop. Maybe he had time to go into town and pick something new but even then, what sort of thing should he get? 

Percy ran a hand through his hair. He probably wasn’t supposed to be thinking like this. This wasn’t a real date, it was a service. Why was he so concerned with looking good for Vax’ildan, when the half elf likely thought of this as work rather than anything recreational? 

“This whole thing was supposed to help you relax a little,” he grumbled at his reflection, half visible in the full length mirror that hung on the back of the door, “Not stress you out more.” 

His reflection didn’t seem to have an answer for that. It just stared back at him, eyes large and owlish without his glasses, hair sticking up after the shower. Living off takeaway food whenever he actually remembered he needed to eat clearly wasn’t doing him a lot of favours; where he wasn’t rail thin he was more round than he wanted to be. He was a very unhealthy kind of pale, everywhere except the very ill thought out tattoos he’d gotten when he was younger. 

In short, he looked like no one’s dream date. 

Part of Percy wanted so desperately to turn off the lights and crawl back under his blankets. Or maybe go to his workshop- the larger room in his penthouse that was really supposed to be the master bedroom- and lose himself in cogs and wires and screws. There would always be an answer there. There was always a way to make things fit, a solution he understood. He’d find no such certainty out there, stumbling awkwardly through a facsimile of a relationship. 

That part of him was dangerously close to winning when he turned and saw his laptop, a sleek and black machine on his sleek and black sheets, still open, it’s glow reproving and impatient. Percy’s email was still open, the cursor blinking away on the still stubbornly blank message. 

Cassandra had emailed him two days ago now. A short and to the point email, appearing cold to anyone who didn’t know his sister but Percy knew how to read the concern in those few words, asking how her brother was, what he was up to. He knew the words that weren’t written as plainly but were there nonetheless. I’m worried about you. Please tell me you’re at least a little bit okay. 

She was halfway across the country now, studying at a good university though Percy could picture the horror on his father’s face if he ever heard his only remaining daughter had wandered outside of the Ivy League. But Cassandra hadn’t been concerned about prestige. She’d wanted distance. 

She’d run from their parent’s city as quickly as Percy had become welded to it. 

He hadn’t replied yet, hence the empty page. Because what the fuck was he supposed to say?

_ Hi Cassie, glad to hear you’re doing well and achieving all your dreams and making me so proud even though I’m too much of an emotionally constipated arse to show it. I’ve done absolutely nothing since you left, short of skipping counselling, talking to screwdrivers more than living things, moving like a robot through the activities I think our parents would want me to do and haunting our father’s penthouse like some depraved Phantom of the Opera. Keyleth’s still around though, I continue to be a shitty friend to her. Lots of love, your worthless brother.  _

Percy groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, where there were always two perfect red indentations from his glasses. 

Admittedly, hiring someone to have sex and play romance with you wasn’t the sort of thing that he was going to put in an email to his sister. But he’d be able to say he’d left the house. He was meeting new people. He was doing things. 

He’d be able to say he was getting a little closer to being okay. 

Decisively, Percy closed his laptop but reached for his phone, lying on the nightstand where it had woken him up a full five hours before his date. It took less than two minutes to send a text to Keyleth. 

_ Want to go shopping with me? Need a date outfit.  _

Vax woke up, as he often did, with a mouthful of fur.

“Urgh,” he groaned, shoving against the great weight on his chest, “Trinket, get off, you’re disgusting.”

Of course it didn’t come out as coherent as that, seeing as his brain wasn’t fully awake. But that was what he’d intended to say.

The large dog whined, not enjoying being evicted from the nice warm bed, landing on the floor with a thump after a dedicated shove from Vax. Neither of them were sure what kind of dog the enormous, dark brown ball of fluff was but all he knew was that he was a hell of a lot bigger than the shelter and his sister had promised he’d be. 

“Don’t be mean to my dog!” his sister yelled from the next room, hearing the thump.

“Then tell your  _ horse  _ to stop smothering me in my sleep! If you’re going to try and assassinate me, be a little more creative,” Vax shot back, though he was frowning. His sister was still here? What time was it?

He clawed around for his phone, eventually plucking it from his many blankets, though not until he’d come up with a lipstick, a sock and a chewed up tennis ball. According to the screen, still perfectly functioning even with the hairline crack through it, it was nearly eleven. 

Not bad for Vax’ildan. He’d been averaging noon the last few weeks. 

Still on his screen were the messages he’d been exchanging with Percy last night. Though it didn’t say Percy on the text windows, he’d decided to keep the name Orthax in a fit of romanticism and intrigue, with an emoji of a red flower beside it. It was very much a tulip and not a carnation but it was the closest he could get. 

They’d been texting quite comfortably in the day since they’d first met up and had set their first proper date for that afternoon. Which, shit the bed, Vax now only had an hour and a half to get ready for. 

Cursing, he jumped up, staggering a little when his legs momentarily forgot they were legs, surging forward into the room that was half their kitchen, half their living room and too small to be either. His sister was sitting on the sofa, not even dressed for work, reading a book while petting Trinket’s ear. The dog was whining and making himself look very hard done by, probably to get Vax even further in trouble. 

“Why aren’t you at work?” Vax paused, “Did you burn the bakery down?”

Vex worked half a hundred odd jobs around the city, often going straight from one to the other, changing her uniforms in the subway bathrooms. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays she worked the early shifts at a bakery a few blocks away, putting in the morning bread and folding croissants. Often she’d come home with some misshapen goodies for supper, making that Vax’s favourite of her jobs. 

Not that he really enjoyed seeing his sister run herself ragged, coming in at ridiculous hours to snatch what sleep she could and still struggling to make rent, rarely having the time to do the one thing she really enjoyed- volunteering at the animal shelter. 

Though maybe if she did spend more time there, she’d come home with more dogs. Vax could live without that. 

Vex wrinkled her nose and swatted at him, “They’re installing new ovens. I’m not the one who put a fork in the microwave last week.” 

Vax tried to look offended as only someone entirely guilty of what they were being accused of could, “It was a rare lapse in judgement…” 

After a very pointed eye roll, Vex jerked her thumb in the direction of the kitchen counter, “A package came for you, by the way.” 

Knowing he still had very little time to get ready but curiosity piqued, Vax wandered over to see a small, brown paper package with his address inked in a very neat hand. He unwrapped it, thinking how he hadn’t had any post for so long, feeling that nostalgic rush of excitement like a little kid with a birthday present. 

Inside he found a bag of coffee. The kind Caduceus made and sold at his café. And written on a little post it, right on the front was the same handwriting as the address and suddenly the neatness of the hand seemed so perfect, fitting the voice that accompanied it. 

_ Good morning! See you soon xx P _

“What are you doing, you goof?”

Vax had been grinning ridiculously wide for a long time before he even realised he was doing it and his sister’s remark made him suddenly grasp what an idiot he must seem. And how he definitely hadn’t been planning on explaining his new situation this soon. Or with foggy, just-woke-up brain. 

“Uh…” he looked up, “Just…a present. From a friend.”

Vex narrowed her eyes, “A friend? What kind of friend?”

“The kind that sends me coffee,” Vax tried to look haughty, “Do you want some or not?” 

“That seems very…niche.” 

“And?” Vax could feel his voice getting higher and more defensive and entirely less convincing, “Look, no time, I have to get ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“Gods above, what’s with the third degree this morning? Tie me down and shine a line in my eyes, why don’t you?”

Vex’ahlia watched her brother storm off into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him as if he had anything to be incensed about. She sighed and turned back to Trinket as he heavily put his head in his mama’s lap. 

“As long as it’s nothing illegal…” she murmured to him. 

The dog blinked large brown eyes at her. 

“You’re right, it probably is,” Vex groaned. 

Vax reappeared a little while later, he never stayed in the shower for long. He marched past, towel cinched under his arms, going in front of the sofa so his sister couldn’t miss how he tossed his dripping wet hair and sniffed huffily. He slammed the door of his bedroom, leaving behind a scent that was unmistakably Vex’s favourite, treat day only shampoo. 

She resolved to steal some of his coffee as soon as he was gone. 

Vax had decided early on to meet always Percy somewhere other than his apartment. 

There were a good long list of reasons for this. It would save Percy from being crushed to death under 250 pounds of affection starved dog. It would avoid him coming into contact with Vex, which would only lead to awkward questions and maybe Percy having an arrow fired at him if he startled her on her way to her archery class. 

And, most importantly, Vax didn’t want him seeing his place. Not that he was ashamed or anything, he just didn’t want to feel like he had to defend it from someone who clearly lived in penthouses and country mansions. He and his sister had worked so hard to get the life they had now, earning their independence and freedom with tears and sleepless nights. It would always be sweet to them, even if it was poky, cluttered and had a damp problem they couldn’t get rid of. 

Vax didn’t want to see everything they’d won look shabby and insignificant through someone else’s eyes; it would taste too much of Syldor. He didn’t think he’d be able to hold back his anger if that happened. 

He’d never heard of the restaurant Percy offered to take him to, but he managed to find it and seated himself nice and obviously on the railings across the street. After two minutes of watching the place, Vax realised why he’d never been there. It was so far out of his price range, it may as well have been in a neighbouring galaxy. 

He looked down at himself, his large boots and artfully ripped jeans (done by Vex after he put one of the knees through) and loose striped jumper in black and grey. His heart sank as he realised he really wasn’t dressed for this kind of place. 

“Vax’ildan!” 

His voice was full of warmth, he sounded genuinely delighted to see him. That alone would have caused the delicate, rosy blush on the tips of his pointed ears, if he hadn’t also looked drop dead gorgeous. 

Their last meeting, there had definitely been handsomeness lurking under the exhaustion and nerves but this time Percy wasn’t hiding it, he was wearing it plain on his face. His hair was trimmed and smoothed over one side, everything underneath a white buzz that looked almost silver in the afternoon sun. His jaw was clean shaven however, taking years off him in an instant.

And he was wearing a suit. Vax suddenly realised he liked men in suits. 

“Percy,” he stood, smiling, accepting the embrace that came his way. Gods, he even smelled expensive. 

“I feared I’d imagined how handsome you were last time,” Percy dropped his voice to a more intimate volume as he pulled away, a smile pulling one side of his mouth up, “Apparently not.” 

Vax’s ears coloured even more and he was suddenly glad he always styled his hair to cover them. 

That’s how they were doing things, huh?

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” he smirked, resting a hand on Percy’s hip, “You look lovely, by the way.”

Percy’s confidence suddenly slipped and he gave a bashful smile, “My friend helped me choose it. She’s way better at that sort of stuff than me.” 

Vax’s smile became warmer. He found he liked self-assured Percy  _ and  _ awkward nerd Percy. They were less two sides of a coin and more a changeable day of weather in the same sky. 

“Well my compliments to her for choosing it and you for looking so good in it,” he grinned, sliding his arm through Percy’s, “Though you’re going to look even better next to me. I forgot who I was going to lunch with…” 

Percy stopped, dismay crashing over his expression, “Oh…Vax, I’m so sorry, I didn’t…I didn’t think, I’m sorry if I made you feel like that…” 

Vax grimaced, “Percy, no…bad joke, sorry. It’s fine. Though…if there’s a dress code, we might not be getting in…” 

“I, um…” Percy coloured a little, “I don’t get turned away from places.”

“Of course not,” Vax looked down at his boots, drawing away from him. 

“And…well,” Percy looked through the windows, into the warm exterior of the restaurant, “All those people in there are very well dressed. And I’d much rather spend an evening with you than any one of them. Funny, isn’t it?”

Vax lifted his eyes, so startled it took a few seconds for laughter kicked in, sudden and bright. 

“Gods and I thought you were flattering me before…”

“There’s flattery and then there’s truth,” Percy smiled and for a moment, both kinds of weather could be seen in the sky like sun shining through drizzle. It was fairly beautiful. 

Once enveloped in the warm, rustic Italian ambiance of the restaurant, the two of them began to talk, each of them surprised by how much they were sharing. 

Vax learned that Percy also had a sister, though he didn’t live with her, younger than he was. Neither of them said a word about parents and both were happy with that arrangement. He learned Percy was thirty, had played rugby at his all boys school and would still like to but he didn’t know any teams nearby. He learned he had a mild addiction to video games, was allergic to shellfish and was kind to waitstaff. 

Percy learned Vax’ildan preferred red wine to white, partly for the aesthetic which he happily confessed. He learned he’d been out as trans for three years, had been dancing since he was ten and thought tap was a criminally underrated art medium. He had just about every possible ear piercing going, which he shyly showed Percy after a little cajoling, always preferred the second act of a musical to the first and was a very fast eater. 

“So…” Percy eventually broached, once he’d finished the last of his affogato, “What would you say to going back to my place after this?”

Vax stopped wondering if there was a subtle way to lick the last smears of chocolate off his plate and looked up, smiling easily, “Of course. Sounds lovely.” 

He did a little internal check and found no lingering reservations. Have some probably average at best sex with a handsome, affable guy? He’d heard of worse ways to make rent. 

As they walked to Percy’s car, Vax felt his phone buzz in his pocket, a message from his sister. 

_ Are you okay? What do you want to do for dinner? _

Vax felt a rush of guilt. He probably should have made sure there were leftovers to take home for her. That was the usual policy when one of them went on a date. The arancini had just tasted so damn good, he’d forgotten. 

_ Sorry, I just ate with a friend. Don’t worry about me. _

Less than two minutes later, a reply.

_ The same friend you mentioned this morning? _

Vax narrowed his eyes. 

_ None of your beeswax.  _

_ And yes. _

“Okay, this is me.”

Vax knew nothing about cars but he could read luxury in the sleek lines of black metal, the silvered wink of axel and ridiculous hood ornament, “Woah…”

“Cars are kind of the one thing I let myself get a little crazy over,” Percy admitted, opening the passenger door for him, “Benefits of having money and being a bit of a nerd for engineering.” 

“Yeah well,” Vax shrugged, “You should see my Metro card. It’s pretty swish.”

Percy laughed, sliding in behind the wheel and bringing the engine to life. Vax wondered quietly when the last time someone drove him somewhere was, when he wasn’t left to get wherever he wanted to go on his own two feet. 

Of course it was impossible to get to any kind of speed, driving in a city as dense as this, though there was enough power in just the purr of the engine to make Vax anxious if Percy wasn’t such a methodical driver. His hands rarely left the wheel, flitting from here to there when they had to but always returning, blue eyes aware and fixed ahead. 

He went to turn on the radio…though drew his hand back after a pause, “Actually…we should probably have a talk about this.”

“About what?” Vax tilted his head. 

“Well…about what kind of things we like? About what we don’t like?” Percy bit his lip, “You know. In bed.” 

“Oh right,” Vax waited for Percy to say more though none came and he assumed it was his turn first. Clearly Percy’s poised manner of speaking was struggling with talking about sex. 

He thought for a moment, deciding to be a little more honest than he was anticipating, a little surer in getting a good reaction, “I don’t usually like being penetrated. Some days I’m down for it but they’re few and far between. Mouth down there is fine but if you’re careful about, you know, the words you use, nothing too specific…I’d appreciate that.”

Percy nodded, still watching the road carefully though he was clearly listening intently, “Okay. Well, that makes what I was going to ask you a lot simpler.” 

Vax hummed curiously, prompting him with a look.

Cheeks now fully red, Percy managed to force out in a rush, “I was going to ask if you fancied fucking me?”

Vax gave a bark of delighted laughter, “Atta boy, that wasn’t so hard, huh?”

“Shut up,” Percy was still the colour of Vax’s wine but laughter was bubbling up, “Take this as a warning for the level of inexperience you’re dealing with. In fact, that’s part of the reason why I got in contact with you. Your job is to help me introduce a little bit of…variety into my bedroom. How does that sound?”

Vax grinned, tucking one leg up to his chest, “That sounds like something we can definitely do.”

Vax knew he should be impressed. How could he not be, after seeing the sheer size of the apartment block, a dizzying behemoth of glass and steel that warped perspective in a sickening way, and the opulence of the foyer, everything modern and styled with an effortless hand. 

And he was, for a very brief moment. When the elevator doors slid open, right into Percy’s living room and he was shocked by the vista from the wrap around windows, the city wreathed in dusk like a watercolour painting that needed two glances to see was really real, he was too awestruck to speak. 

And then all he could think was that this didn’t feel like a home. It felt unlived in. It was like an Ikea showroom, fun to imagine lounging around in but it was sterile and barren. Like a hotel room, like somewhere kept exclusively by a businessman for when he was in the city. Nowhere to really live. 

And, as he took him on a tour that didn’t take very long because there was very little in the apartment, Percy looked so lonely. Everything around him seemed too big, making him look like a little kid playing at being his father. Vax watched him rattle around in the black leather, polished silver, exposed brickwork rooms, feeling a strange sense of pity that he couldn’t pin down. 

“And this is the bedroom…” Percy pushed back the door, holding it for Vax.

Not  _ my  _ room. The bedroom. 

It did have a little more life to it, a good amount of mess that had clearly been hurriedly tidied away that morning. Books, a small TV clearly only there for the benefit of the games console resting against it, half-finished projects of cogs and soldered pipes, blue prints tacked up on the walls that were so detailed and covered in scribbled notes they were incomprehensible to Vax. There was even something living, a plant on the windowsill with brilliant white blooms that were jug shaped and gave off a wonderful smell, kind of like a lily. 

“What’s this?” Vax asked, stroking one of its wide, shiny green leaves. 

“Oh,” Percy took off his suit jacket, hanging it idly on the door, “A present from my friend, Keyleth. She’s a druid, spends all her time minding the wildlife in the national park outside the city, breeds her own new strains when the mood takes her. She named that one after me as a bit of a joke.” 

“What’s the joke?” Vax’s ears picked up with interest.

Percy stopped in the middle of taking off his tie, looking like he wished he hadn’t said anything, “Oh, it’s, um…kind of an inside thing…”

“You are not getting away with that, absolutely no chance,” Vax raised an eyebrow, folding his arms determinedly. 

“Gods, I wanted to wait as long as possible before I had to tell you this,” Percy pinched the bridge of his nose, knocking his glasses askew, “We haven’t even had sex yet…” 

“I promise I’ll still have sex with you!” Vax wheedled, kneeling on the bed, leaning towards him eagerly, “Tell me!” 

“It’s…I’m going to murder Keyleth…it’s called the  _ Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III Lilium… _ I mean, the lilium part isn’t in my name obviously…that’s the plant…” 

Vax paused, carefully controlling his expression, “Oh…”

Percy winced, “Are you still willing to have sex with me?”

“You said you’d pay my rent, right?”

“Yes.”

“We can still have sex.”

Percy looked abashed for a moment until Vax couldn’t maintain his composure and burst out laughing, soon catching his riotous cackling in spite of himself. 

Once they’d caught their breath, Percy found himself down to his shirt and pants, the next step in undressing rather a major one, “Mind if I…?”

Vax gave an encouraging gesture, perching on the sheets, eyes interested. The being watched, the sudden irrefutable presence of another heartbeat in the room, another set of eyes on him that hadn’t been there before, had something inside him stirring. 

He couldn’t say any more than that yet. Just something. But he wanted to chase after it. 

He took his shirt off slowly, methodically, not yanking it off and tossing it to one side like he normally would. He was suddenly so aware of everything, every single movement he made, every inch of newly revealed skin. 

“Nice ink,” was the only comment Vax made as he abandoned shirt and trousers. But there was a spark of hunger in his almost black eyes and his pupils were widening by the second. 

“Thank you,” Percy smirked, hooking his thumbs under the band of his boxer shorts, “I hate them. Relic of my misspent early twenties.”

“You’ll have to tell me about them one day,” the half elf returned easily, somehow the epicentre of the charged, wanton tension in the room despite being fully clothed down to the boots, “Now the underwear. Please.”

Percy swallowed hard, feeling something not unlike fireworks in his chest. He slid down the last bit of fabric preventing him from being completely and utterly naked (though he wasn’t sure if glasses counted) in front of another person in years. 

“Well well…” Vax’s voice was a murmur though it hit Percy like electricity, “You’re a very handsome man, Percival.” 

Percy didn’t want to admit how good those words made him feel, his body responding in kind, electricity gathering low in his stomach and between his legs, “Now you, please?”

Vax hopped up happily. Whereas Percy had been shy, methodical, aware of every move he made, his partner was haphazard and eager as if this was all very commonplace. 

Though he stopped when Percy blurted, “That’s a little small, isn’t it?”

Vax froze, looking down at himself, only wearing his flesh coloured binder and his boxers. He didn’t enjoy this transition period and stopping still during it was jarring, “What?”

“Your…sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Percy bit his lip, “Your binder. It’s a little too small for you?” 

“Well…” Vax shifted, “Yeah, I could do with the next size up but…this one still does the job, I guess. How do you even know that?”

“My boyfriend at boarding school was trans,” Percy explained quickly, “I did my research back then.” 

“Oh,” Vax’s defensiveness drained away and he relaxed into the unfamiliar but welcome luxury of not feeling like a novelty, “Well remembered, then.” 

It came off shortly after, anyway, along with his underwear. The look on Percy’s face was flattering to say the very least. 

_ Oh yeah,  _ both men had the exact same thought at the exact same time, unbeknownst to each other,  _ I chose well.  _

“I ordered it on kind of a whim so I hope it’ll fit…”

Vax gave himself a long, indulgent look in the mirror. The harness was real leather and steel, the metal excitingly cold against his flesh, all of it cradling his hips perfectly. The toy itself was black, as if to match the straps that held it in place and married it to his body, black as Vax’s hair. 

There was a lovely synergy to the whole look. 

“Wicked,” he grinned, not really having heard a word Percy was saying. 

He turned and gently pushed him back onto the bed, stopping his anxious muttering, turning it into soft gasp, so soft for such an angular man. Percy looked lovely against the black silk of his expansive bed, so startlingly pale, like he was negative space in the middle of the world. 

Vax personally thought the best angle to view a lover from was while pinning them to the surface you were about to fuck them on. And Percy certainly didn’t disappoint, pupils as dilated as an excited cat, red flush spreading down from his cheeks across his chest like ink dropped in milk. Vax could watch as the breath caught in his throat.

A perfect time for a first kiss. And so that’s what he did. 

He tasted of wine, white wine, but Vax thought he could learn to bear that t when it came from someone else’s lips. Percy’s hand came up and held him just right, resting right there on the nape of his neck, thumb close enough to feel his racing pulse. His own hand moved down and Percy’s long legs parted so easily for him, letting him feel that softer, warmer skin, the more tender parts of him. 

The sweet man was hard enough to be steadily leaking pre already. It must have been a while since he’d had someone. Vax gave him a teasing squeeze but continued down, he had a job to do right now and was determined to do it well. 

“Easy, sweetling, I just need to…” Vax gasped, their kiss having left his lungs burning around the edges. He snatched up the bottle of lube helpfully left on the nightstand, though with the immense size of the bed it was a bit of a reach. It was cool against his fingers, thick, the oddly scentless scent of it catapulting him back to other places, other bodies, other faces. To realising sex could be a lot of fun, to rediscovering himself under the hands of others. 

He would always love it. 

“Just get you good and ready…” he murmured, voice breathy and soft. All Percy could do was moan. 

Turns out Percy was tight in more than just personality. But Vax’s fingers knew their business well and carefully, so carefully, he made the man underneath him yield. Percy whimpered as Vax’s fingers breached him, slick and cold, igniting everything inside him that had been waiting anxiously for the spark it needed. 

“Vax’ildan…” he gasped, fingers tightening in the sheets and the tightly curled hair at the nape of his lover’s neck. 

“It’s okay,” the whisper came in return, “Relax, deep breaths…” 

Percy followed his instructions, feeling the thrill of giving himself over to someone else’s control. Evening had stolen away when neither of them were looking and the room had quickly become dark so everything was down to just shapes, devoid of detail.

He felt, rather than saw, Vax’s heart beat faster, teasing his own, beckoning for it to follow. He felt their skin pressed together, growing hot. He heard the smile in Vax’s voice, he felt the creeping cold of more lube running between his cheeks, he smelt sex and sweat and something amber sweet in Vax’s hair. He felt his muscles loosen, melting, becoming Vax’s to reshape as he chose. 

“Ready for me?” the half elf whispered in his ear, the hand that wasn’t half buried in Percy resting delicately on his chest, almost chastely in bizarre contrast to the fingers that still rocked inside him, coming achingly close to his prostate but very deliberately not getting there. 

“I need you,” Percy moaned, nerves prickling at the neediness in his own voice, the pleading. 

Vax caught it too, teeth flashing in the gloom as he grinned, “Good boy.” 

Not finishing in that moment took all of Percy’s brainpower, leaving him only enough to whimper, hoping that brought across how much he really, really liked that. 

Vex shifted, pressing the rounded tip of the toy a breath into Percy, giving a feather soft groan as the pressure brought the other end of the toy flush against where he needed it. Percy himself swallowed back another whine, feeling the sweet stretch of his entrance. Obediently, he hooked his hands behind his knees and brought them to his chest, leaving himself even more open and exposed, offering himself completely. 

He got exactly what he wanted. Vax moved further into him, hips finding a comfortable depth then rocking back and forth. 

“Gods, that feels good…” Percy’s eyelids fluttered, his voice a smoky rasp, “Deeper…” 

“I’m getting there,” Vax sounded delighted, “Let’s not walk before we can run or you’re not going to be able to do either tomorrow.” 

But his thrusts were getting deeper, more deliberate, hitting both of their sweet spots at the same time. Percy began to keen at the apex of each one and soon Vax was grunting and gasping along with him, arms starting to shake and fingers starting to claw at the sheets. 

“Can you come just from this? Just from having me in your ass?” Vax panted, whole body taut as a drawn bow. 

Percy nodded, fingers leaving white marks in his own legs, “Yes, gods, I’m there, I’m coming…”

Vax grinned, timing it perfectly as he leaned in and kissed him deeply, hitting his prostate directly, swallowing Percy’s loud, shaky moan of release as he shuddered through his own.

It was a while before either of them could marshal words but Vax got there first, “And how was that, Percival Frankenstein von Whatever Lilypants?”

Percy made a sound that probably would have managed to be a laugh if he had any breath, “Damn that fucking plant…” 

Giggling, Vax drew out of him and rolled onto his back, the whole room tipping around him and settling a little lopsided but he didn’t care. 

“So…” Percy rolled over, lying on his stomach, probably getting the sheets filthy but that was already done, “I think this is going to work out?”

“Me too,” Vax smiled, “That was good.” 

“I did set up the bank transfer, of course,” he added quickly, “I haven’t forgotten. Before the 15 th , right?”

Vax hadn’t realised how heavy the stress of making that month’s rent had been, not until it disappeared in that moment. 

“Thanks Percy. And the coffee was really sweet of you, by the way.”

Percy smiled and shrugged, though clearly pleased, “I thought it would be a nice way to start, at least until I get a few more ideas.” 

Vax thought for a moment, letting himself actually want, trying to remember how that felt, “I like…oh, I like knives!”

As soon as it was out of his mouth he realised how that sounded and he clamped his jaw shut. 

Percy looked at him, “Wait…what?”

“Are you absolutely, positively sure?” Vax asked for what must have been the fiftieth time, “It’s going to leave a hole, you know that?”

Sat on the couch in a loosely cinched blue robe, Percy waved a dismissive hand, “I’ll repair any damage. Go ahead.” 

“You might have to wave goodbye to your security deposit…” Vax warned, tossing the kitchen knife lightly from hand to hand, getting a better feel for its weight. Not a throwing knife by any means, a lot heavier and clunkier than his own set, but it would do for a demonstration. 

“Vax’ildan, my sweet, if I’d ever had one of those it would have been gone years ago,” Percy arched an eyebrow, “But the company owns the building. Let fly.”

Vax laughed, taking aim at the square white pillar, part of the partition between the kitchen and the living space, immaculately painted and polished. And ideal to plant a knife in. He focused, drew in a long slow breath and then released it as his hand flashed forward. 

Half a heartbeat later, the knife was buried half to the hilt in the plaster, a disapproving puff of dust and the ghost of a loud thud settling around it. 

“Holy  _ shit _ ,” Percy sounded awed and when Vax turned to look at him, he couldn’t help but notice a now familiar blush in his cheeks. 

He’d already texted his sister, giving her a heads up that he was sleeping out at a friend’s. It was only half a lie, Percy could probably be considered a friend at this point.

They just wouldn’t be doing a lot of sleeping.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax and Percy have settled into their arrangement. But the boundaries are being pushed.

Percy didn’t know the first thing about ballet. 

He’d been marched to ballroom dancing classes when he was much, much younger; his parents thought it an integral part of knowing how to exist within the confides of the societal bubble they occupied. Percy had surprised himself with how much he’d enjoyed it, it seemed to be the only style of dancing that was exactly suited for someone as stiff and rigid as he was. 

But ballet was a different world entirely. However it was one his new companion adored and always had by the sounds of things, given how he’d talked at length about borrowing his mother’s skirts and swishing around the living room to the soundtracks she’d buy for him from the thrift store, given how his face had fallen when he’d admitted that he’d cried the day he’d had to stop going to his little Saturday morning ballet classes because he’d moved. 

Where he’d moved to or why or why this was the first time he’d mentioned his mother, Percy didn’t push any further on that. But he’d privately decided he was going to do something for that nine year old version of Vax’ildan and his dreams of being a ballet dancer. 

So he was going to have to get his head around it. If Vax’ildan could keep a straight face through one of Percy’s meandering lectures on how the wiring found inside a radio was the most versatile he’d ever come across, Percy could put in enough effort to find the most prestigious, lauded ballet show currently going on in the city. 

So he’d found one, bought tickets and sent them to Vax along with a black gown he could wear to the show. Something he could swish in. 

Percy just hoped he’d picked the right one. 

“And to do so many fouettés in a row…and then straight into that fucking incredible en pointe work! The amount of control you need to do that, it’s insane…”

Percy gave a grunt, just to indicate that he was still listening. Vax had been going on like this all through the intermission, through the drinks after the show and the whole taxi ride home. And all through the show itself, he’d been on the very edge of his seat, eyes wide and rapt, swatting at Percy if he made even the slightest noise. 

Maybe Percy had been harbouring a desire to repeat their antics at the cinema, making good use of Vax’s long skirts and the darkness around them in the box he’d gotten for them. But after that he’d given up on the idea amicably, content to lean back and enjoy the delight on his face. 

But now…

“The way the prima landed in that sauter, that’s nearly impossible! But even the simpler pieces, the grand adage, it puts so much pressure on your muscles to move that slowly…”

Sighing, Percy came up from between Vax’s thighs, throwing the blanket back so he could poke his head out rather like a gopher. Not the sexy image he was wanting to project in the moment. 

“Vax’ildan?” he panted, breath short from his efforts already, “I am beyond thrilled that you enjoyed our date and I will take you to so many ballets now I know how important it is to you and you can talk my ear off about this stuff all night. But. Can I have the next ten minutes to eat you out and have you, you know, actually respond?” 

Vax stopped, face going expressionless for a moment before he flushed bright red, “Oh. Right. Sorry…you’re doing a very good job.”

Percy barked out a laugh, “You do know how to make a guy go weak at the knees,” though his face softened after a moment, “And I mean it. You’re adorable when you’re excited about something. I’m glad tonight made you happy.” 

Vax felt his throat tighten and something twitched in his chest, something not entirely unpleasant, only in how unexpected and unfamiliar it was. 

Falling back to old habits, he made himself smirk, “Well, get back down there and really make my night.”

Percy grinned back and sank down below the surface, swallowed up by the ink black sheets. Then his hands were back at Vax’s hips, his tongue traced it’s now familiar route to the shallow pool of heat between his legs, deepening it and searching out new arches and hollows inside. And Vax began to scream. 

When it was done and he was panting, face softly pink, a very satisfied and rather smug Percy resting his head on his chest, the feeling was gone. 

Vax determined that, whenever he felt unsure or suddenly doubtful in the future, he would have a gorgeous British man eat him out. And he would trust Percy a little more with the hidden parts of himself.

“Have you had any auditions lately?” 

Vax looked up from his bowl of cereal, well aware that his sister could read his face as well as her own- because it pretty much just was her own- and there wasn’t much point in trying to act anything other than guilty. But a guy had to try. 

“No…no, it’s been kind of a dry spell. It’s not the start of the season, you know? Bad timing.” 

“Right,” Vex didn’t sound totally disbelieving, mostly sympathetic. She stirred the coffee she was holding, ready to pour into a travel cup and try not to spill on other passengers on the train, “Hey, Vax, listen…”

Vax pointedly moved the longer parts of his hair behind his ears. 

“Don’t give up, okay?” Vex sounded so much like their mother when she gentled her voice like that, “We’re going to find the right company for you. And they’re going to be so lucky to get you.” 

Guilt flared up hot and sickly in Vax’s stomach. He knew himself unfortunately well enough to know all that broiling inside him would just turn to pure defensiveness when this whole charade came to its natural conclusion. But the thought of doing the sensible thing, of explaining his arrangement with Percy to Vex and admitting where last month’s rent had actually come from, the thought made his toes curl.

Not that Vex would be judgemental. Not that she’d turf him out of the house and call him a harlot and make him sew a red letter onto his clothes. 

But she’d worry. She’d fret. She’d tie Percy to a chair and demand to know every little thing about him, threaten him with an arrow in the face until he confessed every second cousin’s maiden name. She’d get protective. 

Vex had always been doing that, protecting her brother. Protecting him from bigger kids, from grief, from their father. Vax had always appreciated it but deep down there was always the sense that he never repaid her, he just found more trouble for them to get into and her to get them out of. 

Vax didn’t want to be yet another job Vex had to juggle. 

“Thanks, Stubby,” he smiled thinly, dropping his eyes back to his bowl, “Have a good day at work. I’ll have dinner ready when you get back.” 

He would, he and Percy didn’t have a date that night. He was half convinced he could still feel the tingles from their last one. 

Vex paused and he was almost certain she’d say something more but all she did was give him the usual kiss on the forehead and wished him a good day. Trinket did his usual wailing in dismay as she disappeared out of the door, like he was never going to see her again. Vax couldn’t be too hard on the mournful old rug, he remembered when he was very small and would sob whenever his sister went anywhere without him. 

He sat and munched away on the only knock off Lucky Charms they’d found that actually tasted like the real thing, trying very hard not to dwell on his various failings any more. Not easy, so he turned to the battered paperback by his hand. He’d gone to see the film with Percy a while back and had enjoyed it so much he’d borrowed the book. 

He loved turning the pages to see where the spine was cracked, to see which parts Percy turned back to again and again. It was a book too mushy and shamelessly romantic for a nerd like Percy or a casual goth like Vax, in all honesty, but there was an undeniable charm to it. Vax had actually chortled aloud at some points, where he could see a line that was, if not a twin, but a very, very close sibling to ones Percy had used on him during their dates. 

The sound of the post coming through the door kicked him out of his romantic little adventure. Unsurprisingly, that sound had been a source of great excitement for him over the last few months. 

It was a simple looking package today. Though Vax had learned that was no reason to let one’s guard down; there had been many packages that he’d made the mistake of opening near Vex, leading to a muffled squeak of mixed embarrassment and panic and a fast exit to his bedroom lest she see the glamorous sex toy or wisp of lingerie within. 

But Vex was gone. And he was already feeling a familiar, welcome pulling in his lower stomach at the idea of the photos he’d send Percy if this turned out to be something similar. 

But as soon as he ran his nail under the tape and pulled away the paper and unfurled the tightly folded tan material, Vax knew he wouldn’t be sending Percy any pictures. What he would be doing was running full pelt to the bus stop, getting the first one that would take him closest to Percy’s penthouse (using Vex’s bus pass) and flying up to give a very surprised Percy the biggest hug he could possibly muster while crying. 

Of course the new binder in the parcel was the perfect fit and matched his skin tone perfectly. Percy never did things improperly, especially when they were important. 

And then the feeling was back. The niggling, twitching pulse inside of him like an itch in the form of a thought. Irritatingly, constantly  _ there  _ but not enough that he could actually tell what it was. 

It lingered even after they’d fucked vigorously, after Vax had used every trick he knew to show his appreciation for such a kind, thoughtful present, in the absence of words. Words had never been Vax’s friends but he could kiss, he could gasp, he could moan Percy’s name and hope he understood. 

Percy slipped back into sleep after they were done, Vax had woken him up if his dazed look and rumpled hair had been anything to go by, so he was quickly forgiven. Vax was left alone with this strange feeling inside him, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if he should chase it down or ignore it and hope it went away. 

The second one won of course. So he turned to Percy and pressed his face between his shoulder blades, inhaling the scent of clean soap and the faintest, slightest amount of gunpowder. And things seemed better. 

Vax whistled happily to himself as he jimmied his key in the front door lock that always got stuck when he tried to use it. Even that couldn’t ruin his mood as he sauntered in, reaching down and scrubbing Trinket’s ears fondly. He and Percy had stayed in bed all day, alternating between having sex and playing video games that quickly turned into 

What did ruin it, what brought it crashing down with a sound like a ton of bricks hitting the floor, was when he looked up and saw Vex’ahlia, curled up on the sofa in a blanket with red rimmed eyes and a face like a storm cloud.

Instantly he realised how he’d fucked up.

“I said I’d make dinner…” he groaned, hands coming up to cover his face, “Oh gods, Stubby, I’m sorry…” 

“Yeah,” Vex scowled, “I hope so.” She looked so much like their mother when she was pissed, too. 

“Listen, I got tied up with a friend-“

“No,” his sister jumped to her feet, eyes black with the kind of anger that was truly terrifying, the kind borne from fear and love, “Enough of that. You are going to tell me what’s going on right now. The whole truth. Where you’ve been all these evenings, why you keep getting strange packages in the mail you hide from me, who keeps calling you. I don’t care what it is, Vax’ildan, you’re going to tell me because I’m fucking terrified.” 

At those words, at the look on her face, Vax lost any fight that might have leapt up inside him to keep the quivering mass of guilt at bay. 

Tears prickled in his eyes and he hunched over himself, “I’m sorry…I know I’ve been keeping things from you, I just didn’t think I’d be scaring you this much.” 

“Of course I’m going to get worried when my brother starts acting like he’s in a gang!” Vex looked exasperated. 

“Well…when you put it like that,” he muttered, looking down at his shoes, “And that’s not what it is, by the way.”

“Good. Now tell me what it is.” Her face was an impassable wall, no way around or passed it. 

He should have rehearsed this in the shower, Vax realised, as he tried to get his mouth around the words. There was no nice way to say this, no delicate tiptoeing to be done.

“I just went and got myself a sugar daddy, that’s all! No big deal! He just pays me for sexy stuff.” 

Well, that was about the worst way to say it. 

“Right…” Vex takes a deep breath, clearly turning that over in her mind and trying to ignore the forced, unconvincingly flippant way he’d say it, “Well, you’re not dealing drugs or weapons. And it's not illegal…I don’t think?”

“Uh,” Vax frowned, “I hadn’t considered that?” 

“Fantastic,” her voice flattened, clearly not impressed with that, “Do you even know his name? Have you met him face to face? When am I going to meet him?”

“See?” Vax threw his hands in the air with dramatic exasperation as he marched to the kitchen before remembering he’d totally dropped the ball on making sure there’d be food in there, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you, I knew you’d make such a big deal about this…” 

“It just…it sounds like the sort of thing you need to be so careful with,” Vex had begun to play with her braid, a bad sign, “And you’re not good at being careful, Scrawny, no offence.” 

“Some offence, maybe. Fine, nosy, his name is Percy, he’s an entrepreneur trust fund kid and he doesn’t have it in him to hurt a fly. It’s not like I’ve fallen into bed with a gun toting maniac,” he scowled but he couldn’t maintain the indignation past that. Honestly, this was all a little relieving, his sister reacting exactly how he expected her to. Some things were always dependable, “Listen, I really am sorry. About scaring you and letting you down and…everything else.” 

Vex gave him a long look, the ones the twins gave each other that could say so much more than words. And then she sighed, relenting a little, “You’re just going to have to let me worry, Vax. I’m sorry. I…I can’t not worry about you. Even if he is a weakling.”

“I’m okay, I’m being careful,” Vax promised, closing the distance between them as fast as he possibly could, wrapping her in a fast, firm hug, “I promise, Stubby, one day you won’t have to worry about me at all.” 

“Not likely,” she gave a small laugh, hugging him back for a moment before giving him a playful shove, “Order a pizza, asshole. A big one. And we aren’t done talking about this, okay?”

“Yeah, I figured,” Vax sighed, digging out his phone, “Get yourself back under your blankets, Princess Stubby, I’m your slave for the rest of the evening.” 

“Good,” she managed a tender smile, ducking back down to the comfort of her rug of a dog, “Love you. You know that, yeah?” 

Vax gave her a smile in return, really meaning it and letting it show, “I know. And I love you.” 

Some things really were dependable. And he could always depend on his sister to love him and exasperate him. 

“ _ Vex’ahlia, I’m going to kill you!”  _

Vex lifted an unconcerned eyebrow, turning a page in her book. It was one Vax had left lying around the other day, an honest to god bodice ripper. It was fun though, she’d smiled on more than one occasion and nearly laughed even. 

After much banging and stamping, throwing his bedroom door back so hard it would probably dent the wall just to make his point, Vax came into the kitchen and planted himself firmly in his sister’s line of sight. 

He looked like shit. 

His nose was painfully red, a colour that matched the rings around his eyes. His skin was ashy, he looked like he was freezing even though the morning was fairly warm and his throat sounded rough. And he looked beyond furious. 

“I told you! I knew you were sick!” Vax wheezed angrily, “And I knew you were going to get me sick!”

“Scrawny, it was a tickle in the throat for me, it’s not my fault if you’re going to be a big baby about it…”

“A tickle?” Vax sounds incensed, “I’m  _ dying! _ You know I have a weaker immune system…I can’t believe you could be so insensitive…”

His sister didn’t look particularly moved as she stood up and gathered her work bag together, this was the routine every time a germ dared enter Vax’s bloodstream, “Just keep your fluids up and stay warm, okay? I’ve got to get going but I’ll call whenever I get a break and I’ll bring home some stuff from the drugstore.” 

“What?” Vax went from offended to piteous in an instant, hating the words coming out of his mouth, “Can’t you…can’t you stay off?” 

Sick days when they were in school had always been about Vex faking whatever illness had brought her brother down, insisting she had it too, so she could cuddle up next to him under the covers and stroke his hair, promising to punch whatever had made him sick. 

She smiled softly, coming over and hugging him tightly, “We’re not in middle school anymore, Scrawny, sorry. You know I’d stay with you if I could.” 

“I know…” Vax hugged her back, sniffling, “Have a good day at work.” 

“I won’t,” she chuckles, drawing back after a defeated glance at the clock, “But I’ll be thinking of you. Make sure you rest, I’ll have Trinket sit on you if you don’t.” 

Vax managed a weak, scratchy laugh, rubbing at his streaming eyes with the sleeve of his pyjama shirt, “Yeah, being smothered to death would probably get rid of my symptoms. See ya, Stubby.” 

As soon as she was gone, Vax sighed and stumbled to his bedroom, dragging his duvet out onto the sofa where he promptly collapsed, even that brief trip leaving him feeling utterly drained and more than a little shivery. Trinket gave a sympathetic rumble and climbed up next to him, squirming under Vax’s arm. 

“Fine,” Vax mumbled without much hesitation, cuddling into the vast expanse of shaggy brown fur, “But don’t tell Vex.”

Trinket promptly began to chew on his hair contentedly. 

“Fine,” Vax struggled to dig his phone out from the expanses of his duvet cocoon. 

He felt a stab of regret as he typed out an apology to Percy. They’d arranged to go to the Spanish café downtown, one of Vax’s favourites. But he imagined coughing and spluttering and sniffling your way through a date would be bad form for a sugar baby. 

_ Sorry, gonna have to get a rain check for today. Caught my dumb sister’s dumb cold. See you day after tomorrow? _

He knew it wouldn’t be long until Percy got back to him. Even when he wasn’t expected in the office, he had the disturbing, unnatural habit of waking up early and making the most out of his days. The very idea made Vax shudder. 

As he laid there, Trinket working dedicatedly on giving him a new hairstyle, Vax wondered why the unhappiness hadn’t shifted from his chest. He wondered if it was more than just the idea of manchego and pepper sandwiches he was missing. 

Percy had become a good friend to him since they’d begun their little arrangement. Maybe it was the fact they saw each other so regularly. Maybe it was the fact that Vax was a fairly habitual motormouth. Maybe it was the fact he’d been on a fairly extended dry spell before they’d started shacking up, due to Mollymauk finding himself an honest to gods long term boyfriend and Shaun moving back to Tal Dorei. 

But either way, Vax had found himself telling Percy so much more than he’d really told anyone else. Things just came so easily with the lanky, unlikely young aristocrat. His eyes were kind, he took everything that was said to him with a calm, even expression and he had a way with words that could be relied upon most of the time. And even when it failed, it was at least funny. 

Vax found something that could even be called trust, running between them like a thin silver thread. Trust wasn’t something Vax gave out easily, not after the life he’d lived. He’d long ago realised that it was better to close himself off and depend on the very few people who’d proven themselves worthy, rather than reach out and burn his fingers or worse. 

But Percy’s quiet ways, his gentleness, his eagerness to touch Vax and just be with him…and the way he seemed to be holding sadness inside him the same way Vax was. He’d settled into being with him, feeling safe with him, trusting him without even realising. 

And now, facing down a day with Percy’s company replaced with that of a miserable cold, he realised that with more clarity than ever. 

“Guess I really lucked out, huh?” Vax murmurs, finally yanking his hair out of Trinket’s mouth.

And somehow those words didn’t even feel like enough. And they came tinged with the feeling from before. 

Suddenly, unexplainably desperate for something to do, Vax grabbed for his phone again.

Nothing on the screen. No message from Percy. 

He frowned, sitting up a little, bringing a huff of annoyance from Trinket who had been leaning against him. It wasn’t like Percy to leave him hanging. 

Now feeling thoroughly miserable, abandoned by both his sister and his sugar daddy to suffer through this illness, Vax wrapped himself tighter in his blanket and listened to Trinket snoring, watching cartoons on Vex’s laptop until his eyes unfocused and he drifted into something like sleep. 

He couldn’t tell how long he’d been drifting before he heard the knock at the door. 

“What in the hell…” he murmured, voice slurring, clearly even more stuffed up than he’d been before.

Forcing his legs to move, pressure screaming through his sinuses when he finally got upright, Vax lurched to the door, silently cursing whoever was behind it. Some unsuspecting salesman was about to get a Newfoundland cross set on them, the one that was currently bouncing around the door, ready to strike. Not that he’d do anything but slobber on them but still…

Trinket did his job perfectly, yelping and soaring through the doorway as soon as it opened, eager to greet the new friend behind it. However, he had quite a bit more force behind him than Vax had been expecting, then kind that could do some damage. 

It certainly sent Percy careening completely off his feet and sprawling on the hallway carpet. 

“Percy?” Vax squeaked in horror, “What are you doing here? Trinket, no, get off him!”

But after a second’s panic, Vax realised Percy wasn’t in any kind of distress. Though surprised, he was actually wrestling with Trinket, scrubbing his ears and laughing delightedly. 

“You never told me you had a dog!” 

“He…he’s my sister’s really,” Vax still stood, blinking in confusion, trying to sort out his feelings. 

Percy was here on his hallway carpet, on their doormat. He was a handful of steps away from their living room which was an undeniable mess, after being occupied by an ill, bored Vax all morning. It was also as tiny, cramped and poorly wallpapered as it ever had been. And the whole thing, with all of its shoebox sized adjoining rooms, would probably fit into the sunken sofa section of Percy’s penthouse. 

Vax was suddenly filled with an itch to slam the door, turn out all the lights and try and pretend he wasn’t home. 

“What’s his name?” Percy’s glasses were hanging off his nose and his smile was a mile wide.

“Uh, Trinket,” Vax shrugged, hoping that jumper Percy wore, that was now covered in brown dog hair, wasn’t expensive. 

“Hello Trinket! You’re gorgeous, aren’t you? Yes, you are!” 

Trinket was adoring the attention of course, showing it by slavering all over Percy’s cheek. It was adorable, of course, but Vax’s fidgeting heart couldn’t let him enjoy it. 

“Percy, what on earth are you doing here?” 

It was as if he’d just realised where he was, awkwardness and hesitation washing over him, “I’m sorry, I know this is…we didn’t agree it in advance but…when you said you were sick, I called to see if you were okay and you didn’t answer so…I worried.” 

“Oh,” Vax pulled a face, “Yeah, sorry, I fell asleep on the sofa. Must have been really been out of it, I didn’t hear my phone ring.” 

Worry made his eyes go wide and he jumped up off the floor finally, “Have you been to the doctors? I brought some soup and medicine and things but if it’s really bad we need to get you some antibiotics.” 

Vax stopped. That felt a little bit beyond the remit of ‘presents’. That felt like a genuinely heartfelt, genuinely sweet gesture, something that showed real care. 

“You…you came here to make sure I was okay?” 

“Of course I did,” Percy didn’t look like he’d been prepared for that response, for the genuine shock on Vax’s face, “I…I assumed your sister would be at work. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Vax’s throat suddenly felt incredibly tight and his eyes started to itch in a way that had nothing to do with any germ. 

“Oh Vax…” Percy’s face fell, reaching out for him, bringing him against his chest in a way that couldn’t be denied. 

Soon, much to his own dismay, Vax was sobbing against him and completing the destruction of his jumper.

“Gods, that’s gross, I’m sorry,” he croaked thickly once the tears thinned enough for him to get words out. 

“Please don’t apologise,” Percy didn’t seem eager to let the embrace end, strong fingers still holding his shoulders, “It’s fine. I’ve not upset you by coming, have I?” 

“No,” Vax managed a wobbly smile, feeling Percy’s hands anchoring him even when he’d been coming apart just a moment before, “I needed it. I just didn’t realise it until now.” 

Lying around, zoning out over cartoons and repeatedly blowing his nose was a lot more fun when Percy was curled up next to him. 

He had a habit of reaching over and idly stroking Vax’s hair, letting the inky rivulets run through his fingers over and over again like he was never going to tire of it. It was so comforting, a way of knowing that there was always someone beside him, someone who cared about him. 

“I hate being alone when I’m sick,” the half elf mumbled, voice vague and still thick with whatever gross stuff made people sick that he didn’t want to think about, “That’s why I...y’know, when I saw you…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, love,” Percy tucked the blanket a little tighter around him, “I understand, it’s a horrible feeling.” 

Vax, maybe not as in control of his currently cotton stuffed brain as he’d like to be, frowned, “But...you live on your own? Who looks after you when you’re sick?”

Percy tilted his head, “Well...I’m used to it by now. I don’t really get sick all that often.” 

Vax pulled a face, slumping back against Percy’s chest, lacking the energy to hold his body up for any length of time, “Next time you’re sick, I’m gonna look after you. Pinkie promise.”

There was a warm chuckle, one that made the skin against him rumble pleasantly, “Well, I’m probably going to get whatever you’ve got after today. So I’m going to hold you to that.” 

Vax sighed, drifting in and out of sleep for a little while before murmuring, “I feel bad. You came all this way and I can’t even kiss you, let alone fuck.” 

“Don’t you dare feel bad,” there was no chastising in Percy’s tone, just tenderness, “I didn’t come here for any of that. I came here because I wanted to help.” 

_ Why? _

The question rose up in his throat, threateningly but Vax managed to swallow it back. It would do no good, the conversational equivalent of kicking at a pile of ash that had hidden embers within its depths.

But the question didn’t go away, a butterfly beating its wings in his chest. 

“You’re sweet,” Vax said quickly, realising the pause was getting a little too long, “But you are getting a hell of a reward once I’m well enough. Just saying.”

“Well, if it’s on offer…” the tips of Percy’s ears coloured pleasantly. 

The laughter came easily, as it always did when he was around Percy. Vax was just considering leaning in and kissing him, germs be damned, when the front door opened. 

Trinket, of course, rocketed up, upsetting the nice arrangement they’d had on the sofa where he’d been providing most of the softness. As much as Trinket loved to be cuddled, he loved his mama more and she’d just walked through the door. 

Vax was less pleased to see her, face colouring a deep plum. 

“Hey, Stubby…” he began, hoping the term of endearment would take away the awkwardness of her walking in and finding him draped over some guy. He quickly put an appropriate distance between himself and Percy, so fast any middle school dance chaperone would be proud. 

“Hello,” Vex’s answer was clipped, wary. Clearly the nickname hadn’t done its job.

“This is Percy,” Vax motioned, smiling through the pain, “You know…I was talking about him the other day?”

“I remember,” Vex’s eyes bore into Percy like she was staring into his soul, as if she could detect at a glance any intention to hurt her brother. 

Percy responded in kind, visibly squirming behind his impenetrable mask of politeness, probably one of those things they taught you at the fancy colleges rich people went to. Though he managed to put on a stiff upper lip, standing and shaking her hand, “A pleasure to meet you Vex’ahlia. Your bother has mentioned you many times.” 

Vex arched an eyebrow, looking like this had taken a screeching turn into levels of formality she hadn’t been prepared for, “Yes, that sounds like my brother.” 

“Oh, all good things of course,” Percy added quickly, backpedalling desperately. 

“Now that  _ doesn’t _ sound like him,” Vex put on the smile she probably used on customers at her various jobs, “What exactly brought you here, Percy?” 

“Well, when Vax told me he was sick, I wanted to come and just spend some time with him. To make sure he was okay, or at least had some companionship if he wasn’t.” 

That was when Vex’s eyes travelled across the mess on the coffee table, seeing a mostly eaten, rapidly cooling bowl of chicken soup, a number of glasses of water that Vax was dutifully made to drink and a sensible number of boxes of cold medicine. Definitely not the props of a wild afternoon of hedonistic sex. 

And Vex’s expression softened. 

“Well…thank you, Percy,” she turned her face back to him, “It’s good to know he’s got someone looking out for him.” 

Percy visibly relaxed, apparently deciding he wasn’t about to be punched in the teeth, “It seems to me he has two, Vex’ahlia.” 

“Just Vex is fine…”

Vax butted in quickly, before things could get any weirder, “Thanks for stopping by, Percy. It was really sweet of you. I’ll text you, yeah?” 

Percy seemed startled, a little hurt for a moment, like he was going to protest. Even Vex frowned slightly, tilting her head at her brother. 

But eventually he nodded, trying to wipe the wounded look from his face like it had never been there, “Of course. I’m just a phone call away.”

So many times as Percy gathered his things, sweeping them back into the grocery bag he’d brought Vax an afternoon of comfort and security in, Vax wanted to blurt out a plea to stay, an offer to have dinner with them, an offer to stay forever, why the hell not? 

And that was exactly the problem. That was the reason he kept his lips firmly together and said nothing as he led Percy to the door, as if he might have lost it since he last went through it. 

Though he did give him a swift, sweet kiss on the lips, once he was certain Vex was busy making her after work cup of tea. 

“I will text you, okay? I promise,” he murmured, eyes soft. 

Percy’s eyes brightened and he nodded happily, “And send me pictures of Trinket?” 

Vax snorted, “A little different from the pictures I normally send you but fine…”

At least he got to leave laughing, Vax thought as he refused to let himself linger in the doorway, ducking back into the warm light of the apartment. 

“He seems nice,” Vex piped up, stirring her tea and stealing the best spot where Trinket would provide the most warmth, “Not that you need my approval or anything, I know that.” 

Vax shrugged lazily, “The money’s good and he’s not a bad kisser.”

“Now that I definitely did not need to know.” 

Vax smirked, heading for his bedroom, dragging his blankets behind him. He needed a good night’s sleep to shake this miserable cold. Though he paused, looking back at his sister. He could tell at a glance it hadn’t been a good day; it was in the way she sat, the way her hair had unravelled out of the impeccable bow he’d tied it in that morning, the circles under her eyes. 

“You know, Percy said he’s happy to pay the full rent, it’s part of the arrangement-“

“No,” Vex said flatly, before he’d even finished, just as he’d known she would. But he’d had to try.

“Goodnight, Stubby. Love you.”

“I love you too,” Vex smiled softly over the rim of her mug. Trinket woofed in a timbre so deep it made the floor shake. 

Vax smiled in return, looking back at the little scene of his life as he’d always known it, since he’d finally become happy at least. That’s when he’d started counting his life as actually being lived. 

Though inside he was still shaking, still reeling silently from the one moment where Percy had been part of it. He’d fit in perfectly, talking with his sister, playing with their dog, leaning back on their battered old street couch, despite everything he’d worried about. And it only gave him something new to worry about. 

Because Vax wanted it. He’d seen Percy has part of his world, the world he’d worked so hard to build, and he’d wanted him to stay. And the thought scared him so damn much he’d shoved him out the door, as if that would mean it had never happened. As if that would mean everything would go back to normal, where they were just two people with a perfectly reasonable, purely commercial arrangement. 

As if that would stop him wanting something he’d never be able to have. 

Vax gave a dry little sob as he yanked the duvet up over his head. Business as fucking usual. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy and Vax'ildan are growing closer by the day. Close enough that some secrets start to come to the surface. 
> 
> Warning: mentions of Percy's family's death

Every single time, Vax told himself he was an idiot. 

Every time he caught himself staring at Percy’s smile. Every time he’d replay his laughter over and over again in his head as he fell asleep because the sound soothed him so much. Every time he’d sleep over and find himself wearing one of Percy’s shirts in the confusion of gathering up their widely scattered clothes, only to curl up into it tighter, pulling it over the lower half of his face and inhaling deeply, feeling something inside himself unwind at the smell of Percy. 

Each and every time, he’d think to himself afterwards: _ Vax’ildan, you are an idiot.  _

He told himself it was pointless. He told himself it was a ridiculous infatuation that was only going to get worse the more he indulged it. He cursed himself for a moony eyed teenager, he cursed his blind, ridiculous heart, he cursed his piss poor judgement in growing a silly crush on someone who saw him as a friend at best, a way to indulge a kink at worst and most likely. 

But those moments didn’t stop coming. So he remained an idiot.

Another week, another email. 

Percy tapped his fingers against the keys, enough to make an irritating noise but not enough to actually make words appear on the screen, as if the right thing to say would just come passively if he made the night motions. 

The first part of the email had been easy, congratulating Cassandra on getting through her finals, encouraging her with her upcoming dissertation and exhibition, promising he’d fly out and come to opening night. 

The second part was where he got stuck, as soon as he was required to talk about himself. He knew Cassandra would have absolutely no interest in the company, how the profit margins were doing, any reshuffling of the board. Percy was supposed to be the figurehead of all that and even he barely managed to care. He knew she’d at least feign polite interest in the new rotary motors he’d designed but there was only so much he could say about those without attaching blueprints to his response. 

And he still felt a panic attack coming on whenever he thought about even trying to tell her about Vax. 

At least he had Keyleth to talk to about that. He was getting better at being more open with her, probably thanks to Vax himself. Yet another thing he owed him. 

Just yesterday she’d come over for dinner (a dinner that consisted of food from their respective favourite takeaways, he’d never learned how to cook) and Percy had found himself talking for hours about things Vax had said, date ideas that had been his that Percy never would even have dreamed of doing but had enjoyed immensely. Even Vax’s sister had gotten a mention and he’d grinned to see Keyleth’s ears quite literally pick up and her eyes brighten. He quietly resolved to find out if Vex’ahlia was single. 

But there were things he couldn’t even tell his best friend or his sister. Things he was still struggling to admit to himself or even give form to inside his own head. 

The idea that maybe he was starting to feel differently about Vax. That as fun and exhilarating as the sex and honeymoon dates were, things were changing below the surface. 

Percy shifted uncomfortably in his chair, fingers itching to take him back to the dog adoption websites he’d been obsessively browsing lately. But Cassandra had been waiting two days for a reply now and he’d be damned if she was going to beat him at correspondence. 

He tapped out a brief reply, one sentence to say work was fine and he was building new stuff, as always then launched into more praise for her recent art pieces she’d put on Instagram. Much safer brotherly territory. 

But then there was the last part of her email. The one his brain had desperately tried to slide right off of but had become embedded inside him like a bee sting. 

_ So, I saw the anniversary is coming up next week. I hate calling it an anniversary but you know, there’s no good word for it. I know it’s hard so call me if you want to, okay? Or go to the charity gala, one of us probably should. Just don’t be alone. Promise, Percy.  _

Of course he’d forgotten, if there was such a thing as wilfully forgetting something. The gala was organised without any input from him, it was a company thing, the purview of their non-profit division. People at work had long ago learned not to bring anything even tangentially connected to the anniversary (Cassie was right, there really was no other word for it) to their boss’ attention. 

No doubt the invitation would appear on his assistant’s desk in the next day or so, ready for its annual frosty ignoring before being consigned to the shredder the second the date inscribed on it had passed. 

But if Percy was completely honest with himself, as rare as that occasion was, he really didn’t want to face that day alone. He didn’t want to bear it in his usual way. Not that he ever had wanted to get through it by finding a bar and drinking until he passed out but he’d always just sort of sunken into that. 

And Cassandra knew it. Hell, she’d been the one who’d had to take a red eye flight to the city and sit by him in the hospital as he’d recovered from getting his stomach pumped last year. 

The look on her face when he’d finally woken up and broken down into wracking sobs wasn’t something he ever wanted to see on his baby sister’s face ever again. He wasn’t going to be responsible for adding to her pain ever again. 

He finished his email with a single sentence, no context, no other acknowledgement of the hot coals they were both trying to dance around. 

_ I promise, Cassie.  _

_ _

“Holy fuck…I don’t think I have anything that fancy, Freddy,” Vax yelped but he was grinning, excitement already lighting up his face. 

Percy smiles, reaching over and tucking Vax’s hair behind his ears, he remembered him saying it annoyed him when it was in his face, “I’ll take you shopping. But wait until you’ve actually been to one of these parties before you thank me for the invite, they’re painfully boring.” 

“Probably to you!” Vax maintained his dreamy eyed excitement as he swept his shirt over his head, “I’m gonna drink fancy wine and admire fancy dresses and dance to fancy music. I’ll finally get to use the waltz moves I know.” 

“I look forward to seeing them,” Percy let his jeans fall to the floor, “I’ll admit, it might actually be worth my time if you’re with me.” 

Vax grins, wiggling out of his boxers, “Freddy, if you need someone to show you that getting drunk in the name of charity can be fun, I’m your man.” 

“You are,” Percy’s demeanour became hungry, grinning crookedly as he pulled the now naked Vax against him, spinning him into the shower and under the warm spray of water. The half elf was giggling, legs anchoring around his hips, by the time Percy kissed him up against the tile wall. 

It was so easy to smile and laugh and make jokes when he was kissing Vax. It was so easy to forget. 

“The car will be here in half an hour,” Percy called out, walking into the living room as he fiddled with his cufflinks. He’d never gotten the hang of these things. 

A memory rose up in the back of his mind, unasked for, unbidden. His own hands, awkward and spindly with youth, struggling with a set of cufflinks. Stronger hands, wearing the signet ring that Percy now saw on his own hand every morning, covering his own and guiding them. 

_ Here, son, let me. It takes some getting used to.  _

Percy cursed as one slipped out of his fingers and hit the hardwood with a sharp crack that rang louder than it actually had been in his ears. The black stone in it fractured, a hairline break down the middle. It must have landed in just the wrong way.

“Whoops,” Vax was suddenly there, scooping up the little shining piece of silver, “Here we go.” 

“It’s broken…” Percy frowned, half his brain still somewhere else. 

“Not all that much,” Vax reassured him, taking his hand gently and fixing it into place, “It’s still good, see?”

Percy managed a thin smile. It was hard not to smile, seeing Vax all dressed up. 

They hadn’t found anything that suited Vax at the place Percy went to get his suits, they’d both agreed everything there was a little too stuffy for his tastes. Instead, they’d turned to Mollymauk Tealeaf, who took the black dress Vax had worn to the ballet and an old suit of Percy’s and made something spectacular. 

It was a little bit of both, a black, clinging suit of silken material that flowed down his body as a stunning waterfall of inky fabric, affixed at his wrists to make something not unlike wings. It rippled when he moved and caught the light in the most beautiful ways and made Percy’s mouth a little dry. 

It was going to cause a stir, Percy knew with a satisfied smile. It was his name on the silverware, after all. 

“You look beautiful,” Percy leaned in and kissed him, quickly so as not to pick up any of his black lipstick. There would be plenty of time to get it in all manner of scandalous places after the party. 

“You’re a charmer,” Vax purred, straightening his jacket lapels, “Half an hour, you said?”

Percy could see where his mind was going and he dearly wanted to follow him down that train of thought but he knew letting Vax go into this blind would be a bad idea. So he sighed and gave a little shake of his head. 

“Just so you know, love? This night…it’s for the charity that was set up in my parents’ name after they died. Like a memorial thing? So if people treat me weird tonight, that’s why.” 

Vax blinked, understandably a little rattled by that, “Oh…right…”

“Sorry,” Percy winced, he couldn’t pretend to be surprised, “That’s a lot to take in at once…” 

“Maybe a little,” Vax admitted, hands resting on Percy’s chest, “But…I get it’s a difficult thing to put into words. Thanks for letting me know though, I could see myself putting my foot right in it.” 

Percy let himself relax a little into Vax’s contact, safe in the knowledge he’d keep him upright, “All I need from you tonight is to do the exact opposite of what everyone else is probably going to do and not treat me weird. Just…dance with me, let’s make a few people whisper and if you could remind me that I’ve got some pretty amazing sex waiting for me if I make it through tonight, I’d appreciate that.” 

Vax smiled and kissed his cheek, “I can absolutely do that.”

“Oh,” Percy hesitates, another wince in his expression, “And don’t let me drink?” 

Vax sensed a strong undercurrent of ‘do not ask’ under that so he just smiled and nodded, squeezing Percy’s arm. 

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Freddy. I’ll be with you.”

The party was held in a manor house a little ways out of the city, a place that seemed to have been built purely for ridiculously grand parties like this one. The whole exterior was illuminated by soft dancing lights, making the high stone walls, the flowers in the garden, the couples that filed in all look vaguely angelic and otherworldly. 

Vax gawked and stared shamelessly as they moved into this other dimension of cream and silk and champagne. Flower garlands grew up the walls and spread curious fingers across the floor, actually growing if you looked for long enough, filling the room with a fresh, clean scent. Glasses were pressed on them as soon as they entered, full of a wine that actually changed as you sipped it, moving along a spectrum of fruit flavours. 

Percy politely waved his on. 

There was an upper mezzanine with tables, clearly where the food would be served, but the whole lower floor was kept free for dancing and mingling, what most of the guests were actually here to do. Already groups were forming and breaking up in smooth succession, like leaves borne on an unseen current, snagging and being swept on. The rhythm of it all was odd when seen from above, like a sort of dance. 

“I do not belong here,” Vax laughed delightedly, leaning against the balcony. 

“Count yourself lucky then,” Percy smirks, straightening his glasses, “Looks like I put on a pretty good party, huh?” 

“And all without looking,” Vax chuckled, “Very well done, Mr de Rolo.” 

Percy puts his hand on Vax’s, “Well, it’ll raise some money at least. Rich people get really generous when they drink.” 

Vax took another drink, tasting tart plum this time. He let his eyes rove over the dance floor below, still finding interesting little finishes he hadn’t noticed yet. The way the candles hovered under some spell, somehow knowing where they were needed, following the larger knots of people. The troupe of musicians, sporting everything from sleek Marquetian guitars to elaborate stringed affairs from the Menagerie Coast, whose music could be turned up or down in any listener’s ears as they wished. There were bowls of iced fruit glistening on an array of tables, the perfect thing to snack on when you knew you had a banquet in an hour. No one was dancing yet, the party still being in its fledgling stages but Vax already had a mind of change that. The people here seemed older, the ones here to network rather than relax, but maybe even they could be convinced if they had a good enough example. Vax saw mostly humans though there were a few with the easy, self-confident air of the Aasimar and, of course, the only other race who could look even more self-possessed- 

“Shit,” Vax choked out, suddenly drawing back as if he’d been sprayed with scalding water.

Percy turned, suddenly alert, “What? What’s wrong?”

Ashy with shock, eyes roving for the exits and well aware it was too late to pretend the answer was nothing, Vax mumbled, “I didn’t know Syldor Vessar would be here.” 

Percy frowned, “I…yeah, he often comes to things like this…I think my father worked with him on a few projects in the past…Vax, what’s the problem?”

“Nothing,” Vax insisted weakly, “Well, no. I mean. He’s my father.” 

Percy’s eyes widened behind his glasses. Vax knew he was suddenly seeing matching features, commonalities, making sense of the distinct point to his ears. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t tell you, how could you know?” 

Vax was instinctively moving away, acting like a cornered animal, backing up in a secluded alcove. All of the delicately bouncing candles within a five meter radius fled in a heartbeat. 

Percy followed, suddenly standing protectively, making himself a shield, “I can have a car here in five minutes, are you okay until then? Or we can just go, we’ll walk a little…”

“No, no…” Vax said quickly, biting his lip, “No, sorry. It was just a shock. I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Though it was clear some of the pieces were already in place, Percy asked haltingly, “Was it not…” 

Vax pulled a face, “He doesn’t like that I’m trans. He doesn’t like a lot about me, really. And I hate a lot about him. So me and Vex left.” 

Anger flashed across Percy’s face, brief but intense, “He what?” 

Vax gave a short sigh, “Freddy, three quarters of the people here would probably think he was right. Please don’t go punch him. It won’t win you any friends.” 

The anger collapsed under the weight of discomfort, “Oh. I wasn’t going to…”

“Sorry,” Vax shook his head like he was shaking sense into himself, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Seriously, I’m fine. This is your night, I’m here for you.”

“Vax’ildan…”

Vax had his mind made up. It was clear since he’d admitted what this party was for that Percy had taken a long, long time to convince himself to go. He needed to be here, he needed to honour his parents in some small way, even if it was just for an hour. Vax wouldn’t be the reason he caved. 

“Seriously, Freddy, it’s fine. The party’s big enough that we can avoid him and even if we do need to say a five second hello…well, fuck, it’s going to actually be fun for him to see me on the arm of someone whose twice as rich as he is. Just don’t tell him I’m technically on the job.” 

Percy still looked like he would protest, for honour’s sake, but he let it go and gave a little smile, “You’re not on the job, Vax, not tonight. At least, it doesn’t feel like it. I’m glad you’re here just as my friend.” 

Vax swallowed, a feeling he was irritatingly familiar with making its presence known. 

_ Vax’ildan, you’re an idiot.  _

The party went smoothly for a while. 

It was fun, Vax realised, like play acting. Like they’d all raided a parent’s closet for odds and ends, mismatched bits and pieces, makeup that they only had the vaguest idea of how to use but were all having enormous fun enacting scenes from an elaborately illustrated fairy story. They were all aware of the absurdity of it, underneath, but it paled in comparison to the entertainment value. 

Vax was reminded of the times he and Molly had gleefully wasted hours in the costume storage rooms of the community theatre, trying on coats that didn’t fit them, hats that were ridiculously small, anything with an excessive amount of beads or sequins, laughing until it hurt. 

Quickly and easily, Vax lost himself in the performance of it all. He perched happily on Percy’s arm, always making sure he had a glass at least half full in his hand with which to gesture, listening to the conversations they were pulled into like asteroids being snatched up in the orbits of various planets. They were like a foreign language, talking about places and people he’d never heard of and had to force himself not to laugh out loud at, they seemed so odd. Fortunately, though he hid it much better thanks to years of practise, Percy seemed just as bewildered as Vax did by most of it. 

Every so often, he’d interject something, a sprightly little comment or joke, more often than not to save Percy when he’s clearly ran out of things to say. Each new group would look surprised the first time, like they’d assumed he couldn’t talk, like he’d been presumed to be Percy’s handbag or something. But then they’d laugh, either out of politeness or genuine amusement, Vax didn’t care. It was the relieved, grateful little glances from Percy that he cared about. 

There were awkward moments, of course, whenever someone he recognised from his and Vex’s years of incarceration with Syldor appeared in that moment’s huddle of listeners. He could see the hesitation on their face every time, the shock, the clear attempt to guess whether the situation had changed, the rumours had been incorrect and he was back in his father’s good graces. 

But if any of them had chanced to notice that, despite the undeniable pressure of natural social graces, Syldor and Vax’ildan never ended up in the same circles, they would have had their answer. 

There was a moment, in the lull between songs where the chatter seemed to press in a little louder, where Vax had been admiring the flowers again, trying to see if their colours were magical or a feature of the plant itself. His eyes must have slid the wrong way at the wrong time because suddenly he was making direct eye contact with Syldor from across the room. And those eyes were filled with a stunned, scandalised anger. 

The part of Vax that was and probably always would be the terrified young teenager who’d lived in fear of those eyes, that look, recoiled in panic. But there was more to him now, a stronger, surer part that simply smiled and squeezed Percy’s arm, prompting him to lean over and kiss his cheek softly. What Syldor’s face did after he saw that, Vax didn’t know. 

He didn’t look back. 

As if the night couldn’t be more full of surprises, Vax found that his shy, mechanically minded wallflower was a superb dancer. 

“You’re a natural!” Vax laughed in delight as they moved in perfect time with the delicate waltz filling the space. 

Percy blushed, as Vax knew he would, “I took lessons when I was younger, under threat of having my controllers taken away. All of my siblings did but I think they acquiesced much easier than I did.”

_ All of your siblings?  _ Vax kept his face very deliberately unchanged. 

“The world of dance doesn’t know what it’s lost,” he said confidently, moving through easy, rolling steps around the space. Not many other couples were dancing so they had practically the whole floor. 

“Maybe I’m trying extra hard just to keep up with you,” Percy pointed out, tilting his head. 

“Ballroom isn’t my thing,” Vax shook his head, “You’ve just got some serious natural talent.” 

“Shut up,” Percy laughed coyly but at the very next turn he suddenly dipped Vax low, expertly, in perfect time with the music.

Vax would have kissed him fiercely if he hadn’t been worried any distraction would end with him in a heap on the floor. 

Once righted, instead of moving back into hold, Percy paused, taking Vax’s hands in his own, “I...I didn’t think it was possible for me to actually enjoy this night. And I actually kind of have. Or at least, I’ve been able to distract myself enough to…” he flushed bright red, “Anyway. I’m rambling. Thank you, is what I’m trying to say.”

Vax smiled softly, “Don’t mention it, Percy. Seriously, don’t, it looks like you might pull a muscle if you keep trying to.”

Percy snorted at that, “See? This is why I love having you around.”

One of those odd moments followed, the ones where it really felt like someone should have been saying something. A cue had been missed, the progression had halted, empty space that wasn’t supposed to be empty suddenly hung between them. 

Percy opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say something but part of him didn’t want to. 

And that was when the music stopped, fading into silence in as classy a way as that could be done. Immediately, the people around them began moving back to the mezzanine, apparently all knowing that it was time for food and speeches. Vax felt like he’d missed a memo somewhere. 

“Dare me to ask for tomato sauce with whatever fancy stuff they serve?” Vax turned back to Percy, grinning. 

As soon as their eyes met, that grin died like a scrap of paper set alight, turned to nothing in half a heartbeat. Percy looked like he was about to throw up, paler even than he usually was, a rabbit suddenly caught in the headlights of a sixteen wheeler. 

“Percy?” Vax was alarmed, squeezing his hand, “Percy, what’s wrong?” 

There was a clear moment of hesitation, uncertainty, but something seemed to swerve to the left at the very last moment and he fixed a thin, unconvincing smile on his face, “Nothing. I’m hungry, let’s head up there.”

Vax frowned, not sure how he was being expected to believe that but then Percy was moving, taking his hand and leading him towards the stairs without another word. Hesitant to make a fuss, Vax sighed internally and didn’t resist. But he would definitely be bringing it up again on the ride home. Maybe Percy would be able to breathe a little better once it was just the two of them again. 

They sat about as far back as they could physically manage without sitting on the floor. Vax was about to ask if they should move closer, surely if it was his company’s whole production, they’d want him visible? His surname was on the logo being projected up on the screen at the front, after all. 

But he got the sense that hiding might be the whole point. 

There was more fancy wine set out on the table, ones with names even longer than Percy’s. Vax eyed a glass thoughtfully but he had a pleasant, warm buzz going through his veins. Enough to make this party a damn sight more fun but not enough to risk him embarrassing himself. That was a comfortable place to be. 

As he was looking, he saw Percy’s hand go out and draw a glass in, a quick, furtive gesture like he was hoping it wouldn’t be noticed. 

Vax frowned. He was really getting his intelligence insulted tonight. 

“Percy, you said you wouldn’t be drinking?”

Percy’s shoulders tensed, every inch the child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “Just one with dinner. I’ll barely feel it.”

Vax paused, a bad feeling opening up inside him, “You asked me not to let you drink, Percy. There must have been a reason for that. I...I’d feel better if you didn’t.”

That brought Percy’s hand back to his side, if a little reluctantly, accompanied by a defeated sigh, “You’re right…” 

Vax bit his lip, that bad feeling growing, “Percy, we don’t have to stay if something’s making you feel uncomfortable.”

He couldn’t read the expression that shifted across Percy’s face in that moment and before he could make any greater effort, the lighting in the room changed and everyone’s attention was politely turned to the front of the dining area, to the lectern before the screen. 

An older human man settled there, bringing a neat set of cards from his inside pocket and clearing his throat in the manner of someone who was very comfortable with having about a hundred people listening to his every word. 

“Well, firstly, an enormous thank you to all of you. Through your attendance and generosity, we have managed to raise an incredible amount of money to go towards the de Rolo Foundation, even more than in previous years. This money will undoubtedly be instrumental in ensuring those who lose their families to violence have support and care. I am certain the entire de Rolo family would be immensely proud.” 

Beside Vax, Percy seemed to sink down lower in his seat as the eyes of everyone who actually knew who he was turned to him in that moment. 

“What happened to the de Rolo family was nothing short of a tragedy,” the man continued, voice turning grave rather than celebratory, “Many of you who knew them still feel a strong sense of grief and outrage at how they were taken. Hopefully there is some comfort to be found in the fact that, through our actions here tonight, fewer will suffer as they and their remaining heirs did.”

A picture suddenly took up the screen behind him, replacing the Whitestone logo. Vax felt his chest tighten. 

The first of the family in the picture that he recognised was of course Percy. He stood as stiff and aloof as the rest of the people around him who shared his facial features, though he was off to the side somewhat, certainly not the focus, part of the background dressing. There were nine of them, all dressed similarly in what had to be the colours of their family. An older woman and man who were of course the mother and father. The much younger Percy seemed to fall into the middle range of ages. More central was an older young man, placed right between the mother and father. Then a sister. Though they all looked incredibly similar, same angular faces, same hair, most of them wearing glasses, there were two who were identical enough that they had to be twins. That gave Vax a start. A couple of younger siblings too, barely into childhood. 

It took him a long time to realise what was wrong, why something wasn’t quite right. And then it clicked, with another unpleasant lurch. 

They all had brown hair. Brown as chestnuts, brown as chocolate, brown as mahogany. 

And Vax had been picking white hairs off his dark clothing for as long as he and Percy had been an item. 

“The loss of nearly the entire de Rolo family was a shock to us all,” the man continued, though his voice seemed further away to Vax, as lost as he was in the picture, “And even worse the years of turmoil that followed before their killers could be brought to justice. Of course we remember and acknowledge the bravery of Percival in his years of ensuring the truth came out and the company could return to his and his sister’s hands. Many thanks to young Percival.”

Vax couldn’t help it, he turned to Percy, confusion and shock on his face. 

He wasn’t there. Both he and the bottle of wine from the centre of the table had disappeared. 

Suddenly Vax realised everyone was looking at their table, expecting to see Percy as much as he had been, equally as surprised to be staring at an empty seat. There was a long, awkward silence where no one seemed quite sure of what to do. 

After a moments carefully considered thought, Vax decided to get up and make a very swift exit. 

Night had fallen when none of them had been looking, blissfully ignorant in the shrouds of both magically and mechanically generated lighting. But outside was fully within its arms; the air was chilly, too chilly for evening gowns, the sky was blacker than usual given they were a little outside the city and pierced through with starry pinpoints. The gardens that surrounded the manor had turned to silver and stone, what had been grown looking more like it had been carved or sculpted. 

As anxious as he was to find Percy, Vax couldn’t help but feel some relief. He much preferred it out here to in there. In fact, it was only now that he realised he’d practically been holding his breath the entire evening. 

He hitched up his skirts with one hand and hurried past flowerbeds and underneath overhead carpets of vine, listening for anything underneath the gentle but ever present trickle of water running somewhere unseen. 

The water only seemed to grow louder as he went, naturally pulled into the epicentre of the garden. But underneath it, he managed to pick out a noise that could only be crying, acting as a perfect counterpoint to the rushing and babbling that already filled the space.

It made sense all in the same moment. An enormous fountain sat proudly in the little hidden courtyard that was revealed behind the shrubbery. It’s flow arched into the night sky where it came close to becoming pure moonlight before falling back down into the basin, ready to trace the path again like blood in an ornate, black iron body. 

And slumped on the edge of it, sobbing softly with his tears hitting the gravel below like a tiny rainfall, was Percy. 

As Vax watched, he groped for the bottle of wine that was resting haphazardly against his legs and drank deeply, an errant trickle running from the side of his lips though he didn’t seem to care. Only when the need for breath forced him to stop did the bottle return to it’s perfectly circular divot in the gravel, not half drained. 

Vax lurched forward, forgetting that he’d wanted to make a more gentle entrance, “Percy, no…”

Percy jumped so badly it was a miracle he didn’t pitch backwards into the fountain. That probably would have soured things even more. 

“Vax’ildan…”

Wanting desperately to hold him, touch him, fix this somehow but having no clue of how to go about it or if it would even be welcome, Vax just sat beside him on the cold, wet rim of the fountain, eyes wide and sad, “I’m here, Percy, it’s okay…”

“Vax, go back,” Percy croaked, turning his head as if it wasn’t too late to hide the tears, “You don’t have to...go back inside, enjoy yourself.”

“How could I enjoy myself without you?” Vax asked softly, reaching over and taking his hands. 

Percy was quiet for a moment before the tears flooded back in with renewed strength, leaving him choking. Vax didn’t hesitate, taking him into his arms, letting him cling on as tight as he needed to. It was hard not to cry himself, listening to the agony that came pouring out like poison from a wound. It was so clear that years and years worth of pain had been locked inside him and were leaving him in one rush. 

All he’d been missing had been someone to hold him, someone to tell him it was okay, someone who would say  _ here, hold on to me, it will end _ . 

How long had Percy been living without the reassurance that if he cried, someone would hear him? 

It could have been a lifetime before the tears finally ran their course, Vax didn’t care. But eventually Percy was left choking on air rather than salt water, chest heaving as his body dragged in deep breaths to replace what he’d lost. 

“Easy, nice and easy,” Vax encouraged, placing a hand on his back, “You’re okay.”

Percy seemed to be calming down for a few moments until his eyes bulged suddenly and he threw himself to the side, vomiting copiously into the fountain. 

Vax winced, reaching over quickly to save his glasses that were about to slip off, “Yeah, we’re never getting invited back…”

“Good,” Percy panted weakly, managing to right himself, “This whole night was a mistake. I don’t know why I keep trying to make this day anything other than a fucking disaster.”

“Well...I think that might be reasonable,” Vax said placatingly, “Given what I’ve come to understand about this day…”

Percy hunched in on himself, guilt clear as day on his face, “I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. It’s just...it’s so hard to say the words out loud…” This voice grew dangerously thick and fragile.

“Darling, I understand,” Vax murmured, hand making slow, comforting circles across his back, “I’ve been there.”

That caught his attention. Vax hesitated, ready to see the same pity and condolence he’d been seeing in everyone’s eyes for years, the kind that made him feel vaguely ill. 

But it didn’t come. The two men looked at each other the way two people who had been blindly fighting their way through a storm would, when they suddenly reached the eye at the very centre and, in the silence, realised they hadn’t been as alone as they thought. 

“Who?” Percy asked softly. 

“Our mother.”

And just like that he could see her face again, he could hear her voice, feel her fingers combing through his hair. Vax’ildan had a strong, deep resentment of every single piece of his DNA that had come from Syldor bar one. Whichever piece had given him an elf’s exceedingly good memory. Otherwise, who knew how much of his mother he might have lost. 

Percy’s hand took Vax’s, fingers threading together, holding on tight. Vax managed to smile, even if it was a little shaky. 

Nothing else came of that but both knew it was okay. 

“I...I just didn’t expect all that,” Percy finally admitted, sighing deeply, “I didn’t expect the speech about them, actually talking about what happened...but it was, um, the picture. I couldn’t take that.”

Vax nodded slowly, “Have you not…”

Percy shook his head quickly, “No. Even looking at my sister is hard. It must be the same for her, I guess that’s why she ran to the opposite end of the country.”

Vax gently leant his head against Percy’s shoulder, “Do you want to talk about what happened?” 

There was a long pause before he could find the right words. Having to open up something you’d hidden away for years wasn’t a simple task, not when every nerve in your body is screaming at you to do the exact opposite. 

“I don’t really know what exactly my family did to piss them off,” Percy eventually began, “I don’t want to know either. I don’t care how it started, I care that it’s finished.”

“Who’s them?”

Percy swallowed hard, “The Briarwoods.” 

Then it all came out, disjointed and rambling and disconnected but Vax edited it in his own mind after the fact. How one night at dinner after the family had welcomed two guests, a married couple of wealthy socialites, into their home Percy had begun to hear screaming. 

He couldn’t remember a lot of the details, which was understandable and probably merciful. What he did remember was the sound of gunfire, muffled barks of exploding muzzles echoing through the hallways of the family home. He remembered blood pooling on the hardwood floors. He remembered pleading. He remembered laughter. 

The only thing he could then say for certain was that he ended up outside, running for as long as his body could physically manage before collapsing at Keyleth’s door, his friend from school the only person his fevered mind could think to turn to. 

When the sun rose the next day, every paper and news anchor in the city was reporting that his entire family had been killed in a robbery gone wrong. Everyone save himself, who was missing, and his youngest sister Cassandra, who was saved by the intercession of those same guests, the Briarwoods. He recalled a tearful Delilah Briarwood on the news, saying she only wished they could have done more. 

In the exact same voice Percy had heard laughing in the blood spattered hallway. 

Percy wasn’t fit to leave Keyleth’s sofa for the next few months, nearly broken clean in two by grief. So everything just happened around him, the grateful Cassandra signing over the family’s entire holdings to the Briarwoods in the absence of her brother, the whole company being seized, the locks on every property the de Rolo’s had owned being changed, barring Percy from any kind of financial help. 

When he was finally well enough to open his eyes, to face the world around him, he found that he was completely and utterly abandoned by it. 

Vax tried to absorb all that, heart hammering in his chest, “So...what did you do?”

“Kiki was happy for me to stay with her but…” Percy pulled a face, “I wasn’t fit to be around anyone. I wasn’t well, I was...drinking a lot. She kept trying to get me to go to therapy but that would mean people knowing I was alive and, with the Briarwoods still out there, with all of the money and protection I’d lost, I didn’t that that was such a good idea…”

“How did no one know?” Vax felt anger in the back of his throat, “Didn’t they investigate? Work out that the people who were pretty much strangers that had come to the house might have had something to do with the murders that happened that very night?”

Percy shrugged, “They had magic and money on their side. Delilah was a powerful magic user but...well, I doubt it was ever really needed. You’d be surprised how much suspicion and supposed authority can be turned aside by putting coin in the right pockets.” 

Vax scowled down at the stones, feeling the injustice but also the truth of that burn in his chest. He’d seen Syldor do it enough times.

“So...I got a job as a mechanic. My father had always told me my tinkering would be nothing but a distraction but it was what got me through those years. That and not caring that the cars I was fixing were obviously stolen and I was being paid off the books.”

“Seriously?” Vax couldn’t help being a little impressed by that.

Percy gave a wayn smile, “If any police officer had looked in my workshop, they’d have found enough to put me in jail for a very long time. But bribery is not just the purview of the rich, thank the gods…” he looked back at his hands, “So I spent a long time not being Percival de Rolo. I just made as much money as I could, tried desperately to keep myself alive and spent years thinking of how to rescue my sister and make the Briarwoods suffer.”

The tone of Percy’s voice in that moment worried Vax, his smile falling into a concerned frown, “Understandable…”

Percy didn’t seem to pick up on it, “I was going to do something stupid. Very stupid. But fortunately, despite my being a shitty friend and all round terrible person, Keyleth stuck by me. She convinced me to hire a lawyer instead, do it through the courts. Gods, it was a nightmare. It took years longer than I wanted it to, I was on the verge of tearing my hair out or just finally drinking enough that I’d never wake up again.” 

Vax’s stomach dropped. 

“But then I’d think of Cassie,” Percy’s voice quietened, “How she must have felt as alone as I did. How I couldn’t let her down. Gods only know what they put her through while they had her, she won’t talk to me about it. Every second I was wasting feeling sorry for myself and falling asleep in gutters was another second she was under their power. And if I died then...then her hope died too.”

“But you did it,” Vax said quietly, squeezing his hand, “I’m not a big news watcher but I remember it a little now, I just never connected it to you. How you got the Briarwoods convicted, got custody of your sister back, everyone saw them for what they were. I remember everyone talking about how you were a hero, Percy.”

Percy grunted, nudging the wine bottle over with his toe so it’s contents spilled across the stones, “Maybe. But there’s still days I wonder if I wouldn’t have been happier just building myself a gun and shooting them both in the heart.” 

“You wouldn’t,” Vax said firmly, turning him a little so they were facing each other, “And you didn’t. And that makes you better than them, Percy. That’s what makes you a hero.” 

Percy managed to meet his eyes, though he still looked so young and so scared, “Then why does it hurt so much?” 

“Because what happened to you was awful,” Vax said without hesitation, touching his face with a gentle hand, “It was unimaginably awful, most people couldn’t have survived it. And you’re allowed to feel that hurt. You’re allowed to cry. But I promise, one day, this pain will be manageable. You’ll be able to carry it.” 

“How?” Percy whispered brokenly, desperation in his eyes, “I...I just can’t see how. I’m not strong enough.”

“I’ll help you be,” he murmured, stroking his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone, “You don’t have to do it alone.” 

Percy swallowed hard, resting his forehead against Vax’s for a long moment. Sometimes words just weren’t enough. 

Eventually he mumbled, like a child tired after a long day, “I’d like to go home now.”

“That sounds good to me, darling,” Vax smiled, “Let’s go brush your teeth, huh? Cos your breath is really...interesting right now.” 

Percy laughed weakly, letting the half elf pull him to his feet, “Wine and vomit. Sorry your sugar daddy turned out to be a huge mess.” 

“Ah, I’m sure there’s way worse than you out there,” Vax put his arm around the taller man, glad then he was wearing heels or the effect would be a little ruined, “And you have better reason than most.” 

It took a few moments for their car to be brought around to the front of the house. A few moments to sit in a stronger breeze and catch their breath, to let the tears dry on Percy’s cheeks and for them both to realise that they’d had nothing to eat all evening and would definitely be stopping for a McDonalds on the way home, if they could convince their chauffeur to go through the drive through. 

Feeling more exhausted than he ever had in his life, feeling like he might be on the way towards some kind of healing, Percy murmured, “You know...sometimes I think Percy de Rolo died that day too. Like I haven’t been myself since.” 

Vax looked over at him, through his rapidly unravelling hairdo, strands of black hair falling into his eyes. The party behind them, faint with distance, had become just a soft background to their soft little moment. 

_ Vax’ildan you poor fucking fool.  _

“I like who you are now, Percy.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy and Vax'ildan begin to consider their feelings for each other

Percy hadn’t known it was possible to feel this tired. 

It wasn’t the relieved, letting go kind of tired he felt when he’d step into the building’s elevator at the end of a long day at the office and know another day was over. It wasn’t the proud, warm glow kind of tired when he stepped back from his workshop bench and saw his latest project, whatever had been driving him insane for the past few weeks, fully completed and polished until the gears shone. It certainly wasn’t the smug, sweet, achy tired when he’d lie back and hold Vax in his arms or be held by him, the elf’s strained, wanton cry of his name still echoing in his ears, their heaving chests pressed against one another, panting breaths the only sound in the room. 

This was a different kind of tired. This tired made him feel like he’d been taken apart systematically, opened up like one of his own machines, everything picked and turned and examined. Everything he’d ever tried to hide had been dug out, the dark, grimy, neglected bits of him on display and undeniable. 

But they’d come back feeling cleaner. It came back, but it somehow found a place inside him where it fit better. Where it was easier to bear. 

He supposed that was the point of therapy. It was exhausting and damn near broke him sometimes but he could feel the benefits of it as soon as he stepped back out into the waiting room. 

“Same time again next week, Mr de Rolo?” the receptionist asked politely as he approached the desk. 

“Please,” he nodded and smiled back at him. 

Once it was all signed off, Percy left the building, shouldering his jacket rather than bothering to put it on. It was getting colder by the day but he had a thick jumper on and he didn’t mind the bite in the air, he never had. 

Vax clearly didn’t agree with him. 

He was sitting on a bench on the other side of the street, shivering even in the massive, puffy coat he was wearing. The hat, gloves and scarf didn’t seem to be doing much either, to judge by his expression. Trinket, however, was doing his best, stretched across his feet to warm up his toes. 

The dog saw Percy first, jumping up and straining at the lead to greet him, making the half elf jump with how fiercely he was suddenly having to cling to it to keep from being yanked into traffic. Percy crossed as quickly as he could and greeted him eagerly, bending down so he could put his forepaws on his shoulders, hugging and kissing him and laughing as a large, wet tongue returned the kindness.

“Hey!” Vax yelped, “It’s my job to lick his face, not yours. Get down, you big rug.”

“You know I don’t mind,” Percy protested weakly as Trinket obediently sat back.

“I mind. Cos now I want to kiss you but you’re all gross,” Vax huffed, his breath a puff of white in the air, settling for a kiss to the top of Percy’s head. His manner gentled a little, “How was it?” 

“Just the same really,” Percy straightened up, “Exhausting but...helping. You know, you don’t have to wait outside, you can sit in the waiting room.” 

Vax wrinkled his nose, “Doctors offices give me the heebie jeebies. Too much time spent in them myself.” 

Percy gave a short, little laugh. Now it meant even more to him that Vax came and met him after every session, bringing Trinket whenever he could because he knew Percy loved him, just being there so Percy could have a set of arms to fall into if he needed it. 

“Well then, you need a hot chocolate,” Percy took Trinket’s lead and Vax’s hand, “Come on, we’ll take this guy through the park and go get some.” 

“Percival, take me now,” Vax said, with all apparent seriousness, making Percy snort. 

“Gods, don’t call me that. Especially sexually.” 

They walked for a while, trading comments when there was something to say, lapsing into a comfortable, companionable silence when there wasn’t. Percy found himself stealing glances over at Vax, fixing on his eyes, his mouth, his nose in turn like he wanted to commit every inch of his face to memory. 

It was impossible to put a value on just how much Vax had helped Percy over the last month or so. He just knew it was a hell of a lot. Deciding to go to therapy, navigating the maze of doctors appointments and referrals that lead there, finding the energy to actually go on mornings when it had disappeared, all of that had happened with Vax holding his hand. 

And now whenever Percy tried to imagine his life without Vax, he just drew a blank. 

That didn’t feel like a relationship built solely on exchange, on one person needing an income and one person simply needing companionship. When had it stopped feeling like that? 

“Oh hell yes!” Vax suddenly yelped, darting away with Trinket hot on his heels, his target the bundles of autumn leaves pushed to the sides of the path by the winds, carelessly discarded bronze and gold in heedless piles. 

Percy could only watch in awe as he playfully kicked his way through the piles of fallen leaves like a child would, laughing loudly as they arced over his head and not caring who turned and saw, his dog running around him in circles and barking fit to bust, trying to snag them in his jaws. 

Percy smiled softly, not even hesitating before he ran to join them, seizing fistfuls of muddy leaves and sending them careening overhead, whooping loudly. Vax laughed in delight, joining in until they were lost in their own snowglobe of leaves, just the two of them and their enraptured dog, lost in the reckless, heart bursting joy of making a mess just for the sake of it. 

Once nature’s inherent neatness was utterly destroyed the two of them were left panting, Percy wincing as he extracted the leaves Vax had shoved down the front of his jumper, their bodies unable to decide if they were overheating with the exertion or freezing from the cold. 

“That was fun,” Percy wheezed, finally leaf free and turning to look for Trinket and get him back on his lead. 

And suddenly, just for a moment, he realised Vax had been staring at him. The eye contact was broken after a heartbeat, so quick it could never have been there at all but Percy was certain. 

Because Vax had been looking at him the same way Percy had been looking at Vax just moments before. A little shocked, a little helpless, with the exact same question in his eyes. 

_ When did this start feeling like something real?  _

Percy let the moment go willingly, though a hope had been sparked in his chest that wouldn’t be fading any time soon. 

“Odd choice of tactic, to shove leaves down the shirt of the guy thats buying your drinks,” he hummed, brushing down his jumper. 

“I’m banking on my offer of sex when we get back to your place to get me back in your good books,” Vax grinned shamelessly. 

“Ah, you know me so well,” Percy grinned, kissing one cold blushed cheek. 

The apartment was of course empty when they tumbled through the door, already practically climbing each other in their eagerness to get at one another. 

Trinket pushed past them, heading straight for the sofa that was wide enough for even a gentleman of his stature to lounge with impunity, happy to have his post walk snooze and get his hairs all over some very expensive leather. He’d been in this position many times, he seemed to understand that his uncle and his uncle’s nice smelling friend didn’t want to be disturbed for the next hour or so. 

Vax’s discarded layers formed a haphazard path from the door to the bedroom where, impatient, he’d just pressed Percy up against his desk in the corner. He was already on his knees, working open the button on his jeans and yanking the fabric, still chill with the outside air but warming quickly as Percy’s skin took fire, down to his thighs. 

“Vax…” Percy murmured, words a little foggy and distant as his brain tried to speak through the all encompassing want. 

“Hush,” Vax murmured, focused on the prominent bulge in Percy’s boxers, straining against the fabric. He kissed at it teasingly, just wanting to hear the ragged gasp and feel the pull of curling fingers in his hair, “Like I said, I’m getting back in your good books.” 

And he did a pretty fantastic job of it. He lost himself in the act, in making someone else feel good, enjoying the pull of tense muscles under his skin, in the taste of Percy’s skin and sweat mixed with the lingering taste of the hot chocolate on his tongue, in having Percy slump helplessly against the desk under the careful attention of his lips, his tongue and the none too light scraping of his teeth. 

Percy tried to warn him before he orgasmed, stammering helplessly but he couldn’t make the words work. Vax didn’t mind, he’d felt the closeness in how Percy gasped and bent over him, legs trembling. He’d been ready, gulping down the heat that flooded his mouth, a little running from the side of his mouth. 

Once Percy was done screaming his name, a sound Vax would replay over and over again in his mind to great satisfaction, the hands turned from tense to gentle, stroking back his hair and pushing back his fringe, away from his sticky forehead. A thumb collected the spill down his chin and he accepted it past his lips, licking it clean with a grateful whimper. 

“Vax, I…” Percy’s voice was raspy, chest going like a bellows. 

Vax looked up, smiling innocently, “Yeah?”

Percy seemed to pause a moment, shaking himself and smiling a little more coherently, “You’re just wonderful. You know that?” 

“I’ve heard people mention it,” Vax chuckled, accepting Percy’s hand to help him to his feet, “Was that worth two hot chocolates?”

“It was worth ten thousand,” Percy’s legs had enough strength in them to get him collapsed on the bed, no further.

“Don’t send  _ that _ to my place, my sister will go nuts no matter how many times we walk her dog.” 

Percy snorted, dragging Vax down with him until they were both sprawled together, half dressed, letting themselves feel their tiredness. Vax was soon dozing contentedly, letting his mind wander through delightfully filthy daydreams about what he was going to do with the various exciting purchases Percy had been buying lately. 

Percy lay there fully awake, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the things he could have said. 

Vax had realised long ago the best place to do his stretches- the  _ only _ place, really, once he’d realised there was next to no available space- was the living room. With Vex and Trinket out, he was free to get into his sweats, pile his hair loosely on top of his head and stretch to his heart’s content. 

He sat with his legs perfectly split, humming contentedly as he folded himself across his knees one after the other. He enjoyed reminding himself what his body could do; he took comfort from knowing that even though he and it had definitely had some arguments, he could still exert control over it, that they could work harmoniously. 

As often happened when his body was occupied with exercise, his mind went for a stroll. Quiet times scared Vax’ildan, as a rule, times where his brain had no distractions and he was at the mercy of his thoughts. But when he was working on his routines, dancing or stretching, moving smoothly in time with music, he wasn’t scared of his own mind. He got to taste something close to being relaxed. 

What he thought about now was Percy. 

As nice as their days always were together, something was starting to worry him. A few things actually. Such things rarely came neatly individually packaged and ready to deal with. 

As much as he’d been trying to shove his ridiculous crush to the back of his mind where it could happily gather dust and eventually fall apart as all his unrequited feelings had done, he found it pushing back in ways he didn’t want it too. The absolute last thing he wanted to do to Percy was put pressure on him, ask him for more than he was willing to give. As much as he put on a brave face, he was dealing with so much right now, only just starting to heal old, festering wounds. The last thing he needed was to realise the comfortable, contented relationship he thought he had was now awkward and sticky and unmanageable. 

Vax felt he knew what Percy needed of him. And a pointless, puppy dog infatuation was not on that list. 

So Vax was just going to have swallow it and keep smiling. 

His music, playing softly from his phone, was interrupted suddenly by the chime of his text alert. Vax sighed irritatedly, drawing his legs back to a more natural position, losing his comfortable headspace but keeping his unpleasant thoughts. Exactly what he didn’t want. 

But when he saw the name on his phone screen, an enormous smile spread across his face. 

_ Shaun Gilmore. _

It had been so long since Shaun was in town, he’d been all over the country, opening up new branches of the store he’d turned from a gamble into one of the most treasured, depended upon fonts of anything and everything in the whole city. The two of them had fooled around a fair bit, one of the many playful, easy hook ups he’d maintained after he’d first moved to the city and tasted freedom. 

He’d always loved the simple, uncomplicated happiness Shaun brought him. He was the kind of man who, when he told you something was going to be okay, you fully believed it. He laughed loudly, dressed brightly and spoke effusively. He was sunshine personified. 

In short, he was exactly what Vax needed to get his mind off his stupid feelings. 

_ Guess who's back in the city for the weekend! It’s not for long, mind, but I’ll be damned if I don’t see my little bird while I’m home. Dinner and drinks, Saturday? My treat Xxx _

Vax smiled and fired off a quick, whole hearted acceptance. It was only after he’d exchanged a few messages back and forth with Shaun, after he’d been teased with all his fun stories from his travels and showered with compliments in every other sentence, that he remembered. He was supposed to be getting dinner with Percy on the same night. 

Vax chewed his lips forlornly for a while before shaking himself. He needed to do this. He needed to prove to his ridiculous, confused heart that Percy wasn’t an option, that Percy wasn’t anything real. He had a very real, very available Shaun Gilmore offering him pleasantly distracting sex with no awkwardness or hidden feelings. 

Time to stop being an idiot. Or at least be less of one. 

Vax flicked up his text history with Percy, making sure he did it before he could change his mind. 

_ Hey, going to have to cancel Saturday. Old flame in town so I’m going on a date. We’ll reschedule, yeah?  _

He didn’t notice until nearly an hour later that he didn’t get a reply. 

Percy lay on his side on the sofa, listening to the rain hit the windows. His phone lay where he’d thrown it, like it had suddenly grown hot enough to burn him. 

He stared out onto the grey world, the sheets of water coming down as they had been doing for hours without any let up. All that could really be seen past the glass was a scattering of lights, miniscule windows and tiny cars coming and going. Everything going past him like he wasn’t even there. 

He had no right to be upset. Percy knew that. 

Which just made it all the worse that he was. 

Angry tears burned behind his glasses and pooled in the bottom of his lenses, his stomach roiling with bitter anger at himself. 

He’d had it planned out. Saturday morning, back to the Blooming Grove, back to where they’d first met, take his hands from across the mosaiced table and just...tell him. And whatever happened would happen. But the weight on his chest would be gone, he’d have an answer to the question he’d only realised recently had been growing inside him like a flower growing from a lost seed. 

It had been Kiki who helped him work it out. Well, she’d flicked his nose as they watched the Great British Baking Show and told him of course he’d fallen for Vax’ildan, you could see it from space. But it had certainly helped. It had made him just brave enough to imagine the words coming out of his mouth, to get the gears turning and take the risk. 

For all the good it had done him. 

And least he hadn’t made a total arse of himself. At least he hadn’t had to see the expression on Vax’s face, the pity and discomfort and awkwardness. At least he was spared that. 

At least he was allowed the dignity of crying on his own. 

Of course Vax would never feel the same way as Percy did. He’d been a complete idiot to even hope. He’d been paying him for the facsimile of a relationship, for crying out loud, how had he thought anything real could come from that? What he’d felt whenever Vax would smile, would say his name in that soft way, would touch him and make him feel like he’d finally woken up...all of that was just him doing a good job. 

That was all Percy had asked for. He was an idiot to expect more. 

He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, “Shut up. Stop crying, stop being so  _ pathetic.” _

The tears didn’t want to stop but he forced them, scrubbing at his eyes until they ached. He wasn’t upset. He  _ wasn’t.  _ He refused to be angry at Vax either, the bitter tasting resentment burning at the back of his throat was only directed at himself. For thinking he deserved anything more than what he had. 

That’s what he told himself, over and over again as he blindly snagged his phone and finally typed out a response.

_ Don’t worry about it. I’ll message you.  _

The restaurant was lovely, one of those vibrant places bubbling with light, music and scents, somewhere Vax would never have imagined existed in his own city and instantly resolved to go to more often. 

Not that he took much of it in, he spent too much time laughing and talking with Shaun, hearing his stories from Marquet and Tal Dorei and the Menagerie Coast, stories of colourful people and exciting conversations. 

It made him smile, Vax had always known Shaun was meant for something more than most people. But right here, for now, he could pretend they were both still barely out of their teens and living by the skin of their teeth in the most fun way that could be done, Shaun running his tiny little store and selling all kinds of fantastical products straight out of storybooks, doing things with magic that no one had ever seen before, both of them spending their days working and nights dancing, kissing just because they could. 

They were currently both howling with laughter after Vax had tried some of Shaun’s meal on a dare, knowing fine well it would be far too spicy for him. Sure enough it left him panting and drinking nearly the full ewer of water on the table. 

“Now don’t think giving yourself heartburn will change the subject,” Shaun chuckled, wiping a tear from the corner of his amber eye, “Tell me more about this Percival character.” 

Vax would have blushed if he hadn’t been already scarlet in the face from an excess of chili powder, “Yeah...I get paid to wear lingerie and suck a handsome guy’s dick, can you believe it? My dream job.” 

Shaun gave a good natured bark of laughter but he pressed gently, “And is he? Handsome, I mean.”

“Oh, he's a dreamboat,” Vax shrugged, “In a nerd kind of way, I mean.” 

“And nice? He treats you well?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t hang around if he didn’t,” Vax hesitated, “I guess I just saw my dad and assumed having lots of money automatically made you a festering, pustulant bag of bollocks. But...I guess not.” 

Shaun hummed, taking a long sip of wine, “And have you told him how you feel about him?”

“I...wait, what?” Vax’s suddenly jerking elbow nearly sent his own glass flying, “I...I never...all I said was that he wasn’t a dick!” 

“Yes, that’s all you said then,” Shaun smiled fondly, knowingly, “But the other forty or so times you’ve mentioned him, despite insisting that there’s nothing special about him, you said a lot more.” 

Vax spluttered, suddenly realising the night had gone crashing off in the opposite direction than the one he wanted, “Come on, Shaun…it’s just a stupid crush...”

“Listen,” Shaun put his much larger hand over Vax’s, patting comfortingly, “Stupid or not, it’s clearly affected you. You can’t fight these kind of feelings, believe me.”

“But…” Vax looked down, biting his lip. If he couldn’t trust one of his best friends, who was left? “There’s no way he’d ever feel the same way about me. He just sees me as a friend he pays for sex. What kind of start is that for a relationship, even if there was any way in hell he’d ever be interested in me?”

“Stranger things have happened, little bird,” Shaun frowned gently, “And I’d thank you to stop being so cruel about my best friend. You’re a catch, as I can personally attest to. You’re fun, you’re resilient, you’re gorgeous...and from what you’ve told me, it seems clear that Percy’s noticed all that too.” 

“What do you mean?” Vax looked up, startled. 

“Love, he brought you soup when you had a cold! Does it need to be on a ten foot tall marquee for you to realise he’s into you?” Shaun laughed at the expression on his face. 

“Apparently so,” Vax pouted, “Seeing as this is news to me who spends nearly every day with the guy.”

“Precisely why,” Shaun gestured at him with his glass, close to spilling some on the tablecloth though he’d never do that, “It’s hard to see what’s right at the end of your nose. Especially seeing how you’re- no offence, my little bird- one for seeing the darker side of things.” 

Vax slumped back in his chair. He so desperately wanted to believe what Shaun was saying but gods, there were some knots you couldn’t undo in a hurry…

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Shaun tilted his head, the light catching in the gold bands accenting his hair, “Listen, you’re one of the bravest people I know and it’s time to use a little of that. Tell him how you feel. I’m nearly positively sure he’ll feel the exact same way but even for the miniscule chance I’m wrong...Vax, keeping this in his so clearly killing you. Surely anything is better than this?”

Vax gave a long exhale, fighting the urge to just let his forehead hit the table, “Fuck you, Shaun. Fuck you for being so goddamn right. I just hope you’re right about all of it.”

Shaun shrugged, making his abundant jewellery ring out, “If you want an apology, you’re not getting one. And, hey, if I am wrong and your feelings aren’t reciprocated, I’ll always be here. We’ll run away to Marquet together.” 

Vax’s face fell at that, realising the implication behind his words, “Oh. Sorry. This night probably isn’t going to end the way our dates usually do…”

Shaun waved him away, squeezing his hand, “Little bird, in another universe, you and I are very much in love and we never leave our bed. But right here, right now, all that truly matters to me is that you have the happiness you always deserved. If Percy can give that to you, he’s my new second favourite person in the world after your good self.” 

Vax smiled through his blushing, squeezing Shaun’s fingers back. They were rough and scarred from his work, the only parts of him that weren’t perfectly polished, the only parts that showed how much he’d fought to live his life how he wanted. Vax had always loved his fingers. 

“Hey, chin up. He might reject and totally humiliate me yet.”

Shaun laughed heartily, finishing his wine and signalling for more, “There’s always hope, isn’t there?”

Vax knew the concierge in Percy’s apartment building well enough to give her a wink and a wave by now. They made him seem a lot more confident than he actually was. 

Once he was safely alone in the elevator, he let his nervousness show through, sinking shakily into one of the breathing exercises Vex shared with him sometimes when she knew he was in a rough patch. 

He didn’t have to do it today. Not if the moment wasn’t right. But still, knowing it was coming, knowing his ridiculous pulled grenade of a brain could blurt it out at any moment was terrifying. But, as in most things aside from how much velvet should be included in a day to day outfit, Shaun was right. Anything was better than swallowing down his feelings and feeling them poison him. 

Though it didn’t help his nerves that something seemed decidedly up with Percy. He hadn’t actually gotten in contact to rearrange their date; Vax had been the one who’d announced he was coming over after a few days of exchanging Trinket pictures for strings of rainbow emojis and not much else. 

He knew Percy had a patent application coming up for his new engine design, something that made Vax’s brain hurt but he understood involved a lot of finalising and polishing and complicated forms. He just hoped he hadn’t lost himself in that, doing that thing where he got a handful of hours of sleep if he was lucky and had to set reminders on his phone to eat. Every time that had happened before, it had taken a lot to pull him out of that cycle. 

The elevator pinged as it reached the top floor and Vax stepped into Percy’s apartment, ready to steal the keys to his workshop and throw them out of the window if he had to. Percy hadn’t been happy the last time he did that but it sure as hell worked. 

His heart sank when he saw the living room empty but then his voice came from the bedroom, “Vax’ildan?”

“Percy!” relief brightened his voice and he left his jacket on the sofa and shoes in the hallway, following that voice eagerly, not realising it was a little heavier than usual, “What, have you just woke up or something? I expected to find you bent over your workbench like the Phantom of the Opera.”

The laugh that came in reply was a little limp but, when Vax actually entered the bedroom and saw Percy, everything about him looked a little limp. His hair was unbrushed, his glasses were smudged and not sitting right on his nose, he was in bed but he didn’t look like he’d gotten a wink of sleep any time recently. 

“Is everything okay?” Vax asked, blinking, his smile flickering out, “Are you sick?”

“No, no, no,” Percy said quickly, jumping like he was only now aware of how he looked, smoothing his hair down and straightening his glasses as if it wasn’t too late, “No, I just… I’m fine.”

Vax frowned, “Have you been in your workshop today?”

“Uh, no,” Percy patted the blankets, trying to straighten them out and look like they hadn’t been tossed and turned in all day, “Not today.”

Vax finally tipped over the edge into worried. He clearly hadn’t been to the office. He hadn’t even been tinkering. 

“Listen, if you don’t want to have sex right now, we can just hang out? Seems like you’re having a bit of a rough day…”

“No,” Percy shook his head, getting to his feet, staggering a little though he caught himself on the edge of his desk, “This is what you come here for, after all.” 

Vax stopped in the step he’d been taking forward, ready to put his arm around Percy, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dark rimmed eyes fixed on him, looking like he’d said something he hadn’t meant to, “Nothing? I just...it’s been a while, right?” 

Something didn’t taste right but Vax let it go, “As long as you’re sure…” 

Percy answered by closing the distance between them, finishing the action Vax had left behind, pressing his lips to Vax’s. Vax was surprised, for a moment, but soon found himself melting into the strong hands that came up to hold him at the small of his back and between his shoulder blades. 

“Freddy…” he gasped, pupils wide and black enough to nearly fill his elven eyes. He couldn’t remember being kissed like that before. 

“Just...just let me, Vax,” Percy pressed him back gently but insistently, making sure he fell gently onto the bed, “Let me take care of it.” 

Chest heaving, a fire burning low in his chest but ready to leap upwards at a moment’s notice, Vax could only nod eagerly. 

Percy moved purposefully, making Vax hopeful that he’d been imagining anything had ever been wrong. He removed Vax’s clothes in a frantic rush, like he resented them for getting in the way of what he wanted, tossing them aside carelessly. And then his mouth was everywhere and it was burning hot. He kissed hard enough to mark, everywhere that was in his reach, only spurred on by how Vax cried out throatily every time. His hands weren’t shy either, their scar tissue knotted fingers tracing everything they could, opening his legs. 

“I...I want your hands,” Vax panted, well aware he was in no position to make requests or demands and loving that fact, “In me. Please?”

The possessive darkness in Percy’s eyes faded a little, remembering that wasn’t a request Vax often made, “Are you sure?”

Vax nodded, blushing fiercely, “Please...sir.”

Percy’s breath stumbled a little and his eyes flickered back to pure want, pure need, “Then that’s what you get.”

He kissed him again, somehow managing to be even harder, more encompassing, his teeth closing around his bottom lip briefly. His hands kept going, sliding further into the valley of Vax’s thighs, feeling the skin get warmer and warmer until they found the epicentre. Vax moaned into Percy’s mouth as his fingers opened him up, parted him and cracked him open like he was ripe fruit in his hands. Within moments there was enough slick to run down Percy’s wrist, following the sharp lines of his tendons, pulling and snapping as he worked him over with a precision and deft he normally reserved for his projects. He searched deep and found the ridge of skin within Vax that made him buck and cry out, working it over with the pads of his fingers. 

He was well rewarded with Vax’s ragged panting, his voice high and breaking as he stammered out pleas for more, his legs wrapping around his hips and gripping tight as a vice.

Before long he was fighting to marshal enough of his brain to make words, “Percy...fuck, I’m close…”

Percy could feel it, in the trembling of his legs and the slur in his voice. He pulled him in again for another searing kiss, feeling everything else close off as soon as their lips met, like they’d been dragged underwater. And in that hollow, echoing moment, Vax came, hard. 

Vax came up for air, gasping and trembling and moaning, hair falling across his face and sticking to his forehead. 

But Percy still felt disconnected, like he’d been left behind still floating, unable to care as his lungs burned for want of oxygen. 

Unable to care as he ruined things yet again.

As felt only natural, moving where his heart called out for, Vax rolled and reached for Percy. He did love this part, going blissfully boneless and relaxed, listening to his lover’s heartbeat gradually slow and gentle into its usual rhythm. All he wanted right now was to hold and be held. 

But Percy wasn’t there. He was back in the position he’d been before, hunched on his side and turned away, eyes cast out at the grey, drizzly day the city had been locked in since dawn. Though Vax couldn’t see his face, there was a tension in his shoulders, something cold and unyielding like in the instant he’d been turned away, his love had been replaced by a marble statue. 

“Percy?” he frowned, his voice suddenly feeling like it was echoing in the slight space between them, “What’s wrong?” 

“Hmm?” Percy turned a little, enough to see the sharp lines of his face traced out in the low light, “Nothing?”

“You seem...off. If something’s wrong, you can tell me,” Vax reached over, making to trace between his shoulder blades, something soft and soothing, something to bring those blue eyes back to his own. 

But that was when Percy muttered, “I just don’t want to keep you here for long. I don’t want you to miss any more dates.” 

Vax froze solid in less than a second. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Percy flinched, like he hadn’t meant for that come out of his mouth, let alone be heard. But he still didn’t turn, only curling in tighter on himself like he was trying to disappear entirely. 

“I didn’t...I only mean you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be. I’m not trying to…to... “ Percy sounded lost, trying to staunch a gushing wound with a scrap of tissue. 

Vax drew away, sitting up, eyes dark and angry, “Percy, I actually cancelled plans to be here with you today. You know that?” 

“I never asked you to do that,” Percy shot back, anger flooding in to fill the emptiness guilt chewed out, “I said right at the start…” 

“Then why are you pissed off now?” Vax scowled, his own anger rising quickly as it always did, burning hot and filling him right to the tips of his fingers. Everything he’d been holding inside him, all the anticipation and love and wanting, it was all fury with the snap of his fingers, “You have no right to be.”

“I’m not… I know…” Percy’s voice grew thicker, “Vax, look, I can’t do this right now.” 

Vax sat stunned for a moment.  _ No please, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. _

“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care. Like you said, got what I came for, right?”

He dressed faster than he ever had, yanking on his clothes, eyes burning as he waited for Percy to take it all back, to say it was a mistake, to say they could start again. And when he was finally dressed, nothing left to do but actually leave and no words had come from him, his heart finally broke in his chest. 

Only when the elevator doors slid shut did Vax feel safe enough to cry. 

Only when he heard the mechanism of the elevator sink lower and lower down the spine of the building did Percy feel safe enough to cry. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax and Percy realise they've been the biggest idiots in Exandria

When the twins were much younger and their world hadn’t yet grown beyond the garden of their mother’s tiny house, they had a ploy whenever they got sick. If one of them were struck down by a cold or a stomach ache or a sore throat- usually the smaller, skinnier, sicklier Vax- the other would insist they were sick too. They would crawl into the bed of the other, scooting up under the blankets to hug their sibling close, and swear blind that they’d caught the germs and had to stay home from school as well. 

Their mother would never fall for this, they realised later, she was much too wise to their antics. She just never had the heart to split them up, to come between the love that compelled them to stay home only to hug and comfort and protect their other half. She would just smile and nod and tuck them in tighter, promising to bring her two little elflings water and soup. 

Once the door was closed, stories would be whispered under the blankets with shadows up the wall accompanying their words, building fantastical worlds where germs didn’t exist and things didn’t hurt. They’d play games, pretending to be badgers in a den or baby owls in a nest, thinking about the animals they’d see in the forests around their little village. One would read to the other, whatever story book was their favourite. And if things were just too much, they would hold each other and just know that they weren’t alone. 

And then that world was taken away from them, picked up in unfamiliar hands that looked a lot like their own and shaken until they were tossed out into somewhere cold and scary. And while around them everything grew, their circle of people they could trust and depend on shrank to just two. 

What got them through that time were those times when one of them wouldn’t be able to find the strength to face the day, Vax as he lost sight of who he was and had his own body turn on him or Vex as she felt the walls grow tighter and tighter around her until there was barely room to breathe, and the other would crawl under their blankets and wrap their arms around them. Suddenly, it would all be gone, Syldor, Syngorn, everything. 

And they would be small again, staying home from school on a rainy, sniffly day, knowing everything was okay because they had each other. 

Just for a moment. 

Vex had been at work when Vax had come home in tears but she’d heard it from behind his bedroom door as soon as she walked into the apartment. 

Trinket was sat in front of his door, whining and worried, looking at her pleadingly like she could fix this. And Vex realised immediately that she couldn’t. 

She’d really wanted it to work out for him. Of course she’d worried, she worried about her brother all the time, but the way he and Percy had looked at each other… she’d hoped. 

Anger made her hands shake as she dropped her rucksack on the floor and hurried to the door that was muffling her brother’s sobs. She’d trusted Percy with her brother’s heart. She easily could have pinned him to the wall the multiple, equally awkward times she’d woken up to find him sat drinking coffee on their sofa in one of her brother’s t-shirts and his boxers, she could have got in his face and snarled that if he ever hurt her brother in any way, she’d feather him like a duck.

But she hadn’t, because he’d looked at Vax like he’d hung the moon in the sky and that was exactly what Vax deserved. She’d wanted to believe life was finally going to give him a break.

If she ever saw de Rolo again, she’d break those fusty little glasses under the heel of her boot. And maybe his teeth, depending on how much remorse he showed. There was, after all, every chance that Vax had his own part to play in this all going up in flames. 

But for now, her brother needed her. And, come hell or high water, she was always on his team. 

The door wasn’t locked, if it had been she would have given him more time. But she took the unbroken click of the handle under her grip as a cry for help and fully intended to answer it. 

The curtains were drawn tight, choking off any light in the room at all. It took her a moment of adjustment to make out any movement, to finally see the tremulous shuddering of her brother’s shoulders as he cried into his pillow.

Vex didn’t try and say anything. She just picked her way through the haphazard obstacle course that was her brother’s bedroom floor in the dark, ears picked up high to avoid breaking anything or falling flat on her face. Fortunately, she made it to the bed and, not even hesitating, she crawled under the tangled blankets, bakery uniform, clunky kitchen boots and all. 

Vax only seemed to cry harder when he realised what she was doing but he flung himself into her arms, clinging on bitterly. Vex returned the embrace with equal strength, closing her eyes and burying her nose in her brother’s dark hair. 

“He…” Vax rasped after a while, “He just…”

“Shh,” Vex murmured, unable to hear her brother struggle for the words and contextualise how he felt, like listening to someone try and walk across broken glass, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it right now. I’m here.” 

Vax sounded relieved, dissolving back into soft little hitching breaths, the only things he had at his disposal to explain the storm inside him. Vex racked her brain for stories, songs, anything from when they were kids. 

But she got the sense that could wait. The best thing she could be right now was a pair of arms, a stiff polo shirt to cry into and a beating heart against his ear. 

The best thing she could be right now was a sister.

_ Vax’ildan?  _ Percy thought immediately when he heard his phone ring. 

Desperate, he snatched it up, heart hammering out a tattoo that was hopeful and terrified in equal measures. 

But no, the title that came up was  _ Antler Girl.  _ Trying so hard not to be disappointed that his best friend was calling him, telling himself he needed to hear another person’s voice, Percy accepted the call and held the phone to his ear. 

“Perce, what on earth are you doing?” 

“Pardon?” Percy asked, his voice very obviously rusty. He hadn’t spoken aloud since Vax had left yesterday afternoon but he’d been doing a lot of crying and it had left him sounding like he’d gargled nails. 

“In the nicest way possible, have you lost your mind?” 

Percy frowned, eyes burning too much and chest aching too much to puzzle this out, “Keyleth, what…”

“Vax’ildan, Percy. What happened?”

His chest gave a painful twist, “How do you know about that?” 

“Vex’ahlia messaged me. Percy, he’s heartbroken, what happened between you two? I thought you were going to tell him?”

“Do you...do you talk to Vex often?”

“Is that really the best you can do to change the topic?”

Percy scowled, “Keyleth, I can’t do this right now, not over the phone.”

“Oh, good. I’m outside your door. Let me in, please?”

Now feeling he was fully justified in being annoyed, Percy staggered out of bed and through the living room that was, after nearly a solid week of neglect, now starting to gather some real dirt and decay, food cartons left to fester on the coffee table and the kitchen counters, dirty clothes thrown over ever piece of furniture. 

And a case of the cheapest, nastiest beer he could think of, bought in a moment of weakness but left unopened in the epicentre of his filthy kitchen. He tried to let his eyes slide off that, tried to pretend it wasn’t there. 

He unlocked the door, the door that had stayed barred to everyone except the food delivery people. Keyleth was dressed like the kindest, most helpful kind of school librarian, as she always was, with her startlingly red hair piled up on top of her head where it could get snagged in her antlers and face set in a worried frown that Percy suspected she kept on the shelf exclusively for him. 

“How can I help you?” he asked in an exasperated exhale. 

“Percy, just tell me what happened. We can fix this.” 

“Look, we broke up. Is that what you wanted? You wanted to hear me say it? Whatever we were, it’s done now. It’s shit but it happens.” 

Keyleth’s frown deepened, moving past Percy into the apartment without an invitation. Not that they were at a point in their friendship where they needed invitations but still, Percy glowered. It was just a day for glowering. 

He was glad to have her back to him when she saw the place, so he didn’t have to see the disappointment cross her face, the pity, the panic. But he did get to see her shoulders tense at the sight of the beer, saw her head snap to the recycling bin to scan for empty bottles. She didn’t relax when there was none to be found, it wasn’t like Percy hadn’t gotten good at hiding them from her. He had years of experience in that. 

Percy looked down. How many times had they acted out this scene before after he lost his family? How many times had Kiki come to pick him up off the lowest depths of rock bottom? 

How many times would she do it before she got sick of him letting her down again and again? 

Almost immediately, she moved to the sunken section of his living room and busied herself picking up trash and tossing clothes into just one pile rather than twenty, her magic dissipating a fog of pine scent to chase out the cloying stink of general unwashedness. 

“Oh, Keyleth, don’t…” Percy groaned, wondering if it was possible to feel so much guilt that it would actually crush him, “You don’t have to.” 

“Then help me,” she shrugged, going into the kitchen to find some trash bags. 

Percy stood there awkwardly for a moment, just in a pair of too big sweatpants and nothing else, before sighing and moving to help her. 

Neither of them said anything as they slowly but surely got the place into something slightly more habitable, the sofas and counters at least clear of garbage and the curtains open to let some thin light in. 

“There,” Kiki eventually declared, dusting her hands off and taking a seat on the leather she’d just magicked to be much less dusty. 

Percy came and sank down beside her, having to admit he did feel a little more human now. He’d even found a t-shirt that didn’t reek to cover his top half. “There,” he echoed listlessly. 

“Seriously, Perce,” her voice softened and he could feel her eyes on him even though he couldn’t answer her gaze, “What happened? You seemed so excited to tell him…” 

“He… he canceled on me,” Percy eventually admitted, getting the strong sense that he wasn’t going to get through this conversation without crying, “He had a date, just like that, clearly it didn’t even cross his mind to think about me. Keyleth, I don’t know what I’d done to blind myself but he’s just… he’s not into me. He’s never going to feel that way about me. And I can’t keep doing the pretending thing knowing that.” 

Kiki crossed her legs neatly under herself, tilting her head knowingly, “And I’m guessing you talked about this with him openly and calmly like adults?”

Percy reddened and he sank further down into the expensively plush sofa, “No. I said something stupid. We shouted at each other.” 

“I thought so.”

He felt his throat close, “Look, I was always going to fuck this up. It was always going to happen... “ 

“Percival, do not do this,” her reply was sharper than he’d expected and he jumped a little, “Life is not closing doors on you,  _ you are.” _

“Keyleth, it’s pretty fucking loud and clear…” 

“Did it ever occur to you in your infinite genius and complete lack of common sense, that maybe Vax went on a date because he has no clue that you are in love with him? And if he was aware, he’d have been going on a date with you? And that you can’t be angry at him for not knowing things that  _ you didn’t tell him?” _

“I know that!” Percy’s voice cracked at just the wrong moment as his volume surged and he winced, “Why do you think I’ve been lying in bed hating myself for the past week?” 

“Then quit doing that, you know it doesn’t solve anything!” Keyleth threw her hands up, “Go fix your problem! Go talk to Vax!”

“Fine!” Percy yelled, “I’ll do that!” 

He suddenly blinked, realising what he’d just agreed to do. 

Keyleth smiled sweetly, expectantly, “Want me to help you pick out an outfit?” 

“Kiki, I don’t like you.” 

“And you love me.”

“Yes, that too.” 

It took most of the day but Vex finally coaxed Vax into the shower and was making him a cup of coffee when she heard the knock at the door. Trinket sat up and gave a warning rumble which she always found funny, given that he was the biggest wuss she’d ever had the pleasure of knowing and would never hurt a fly. 

Dusting sugar from her fingers, she went and opened the door, a smile lighting up her face when she saw the beautiful, red haired lady who had been occupying a lot of her thoughts and texts since Vax had introduced them. She’d messaged her to tell her about the disaster their mutual brothers had created but she hadn’t expected her to come over. Not until their date next Saturday at least. 

“Keyleth! What a lovely surprise-”

That was when she saw Percy awkwardly shuffling his feet next to her. And her face dropped into something resembling a storm cloud. 

“Fuck you, de Rolo,” she said flatly. 

To his credit, Percy nodded and bit his lip, “Yeah, I deserve that.” 

“You sure as hell do,” Vex scanned him up and down, calculating a way to knock him to the floor and take his glasses, “Glad we agree.” 

“Vex’ahlia,” Keyleth stepped smartly between them, clearly sensing the thoughts behind her dark eyes, “Do you think the boys could have a conversation? Maybe sort this out?” 

Vex shifted, trying not to let how bright the druid’s eyes were and how those freckles dusted her nose so perfectly distract her from her righteous sibling anger, “I don’t know if that’s what Vax wants right now…” 

“Could you ask him? Please? I promise, if he says no, we’ll leave.” 

_ Percy has to leave,  _ Vex thought to herself, _ you can stay as long as you want, my dear.  _

Was she fraternising with the enemy here? She couldn’t decide. Damn, this was confusing. 

Trinket chose that moment to somehow turn to liquid and slide around his mama’s legs, bounding up to Percy and whining happily. To Vex’s surprise, Percy found a smile and hugged her dog earnestly, cooing to him and ruffling his ears in just the right way, suddenly so different from his usual, stiff, formal self. 

Vex hesitated, her anger suddenly having nowhere to go, it’s clear, connected path from her fist to Percy’s face swept away in an instant. Keyleth caught her eyes for a second, reading her expression in an instant and smiling softly. A smile that said there was still hope. 

And, as angry as she’d been, Vex still wanted to believe the chance for her brother to be happy was still there. 

“I’ll ask him,” she murmured eventually, disappearing back into the apartment. 

Vax was sitting at the kitchen table, holding his mug of coffee in both hands, looking small and young in an oversized dark t-shirt and shorts, his hair wet and straggly. 

“He’s here isn’t he?” he asked quietly, not looking up from his mug. 

“Just say the word, Scrawny, and I’ll throw him out,” Vex murmured, moving to stand behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders. 

Vax exhaled softly, “Is it insane that I want to see him? I mean… half of me does.” 

“It’s not insane,” Vex bent and kissed the top of his head, “It sounds about right for what you’re going through.” 

Vax exhaled for a very long time, still not raising his eyes. He always took his coffee without milk, black as night, bitter enough to scorch the taste buds of anyone normal. She’d always found that funny, in much the same way Trinket trying to growl like a guard dog was. Vax always seemed so harsh and bitter on the outside, an affect he’d cultivated carefully, turning it into armour over the course of his life. But inside, all he’d ever wanted was to be loved, to be liked, to just be able to be himself. 

And, fuck, he deserved that. 

“I’ll talk to him,” he eventually said, “What have I got to lose, right?” 

Vex smiled gently, “Lots. But you’re just that brave.” 

“Thanks, Stubby,” that dredged a smile from him. 

“I won’t be far,” she promised, “Keyleth and I will be just outside the building and I’ll have my phone on me the whole time.” 

Vax tilted his head back then, looking up at her with something like his old spark, “You’re totally into Kiki, aren’t you?”

“Gods, above,” Vex rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help the relieved smile that flickered to life on her face, “Don’t make me regret all this being nice to you.” 

“Can’t have us getting along too much, it feels weird,” Vax shrugged, motioning her towards the door, like he needed her to go before he lost his nerve. 

Vex took the hint, squeezing his shoulder one last time before she moved away. 

The next person to come through the door was Percy. 

Vax was put in mind of the first time he’d ever set eyes on Percy. When he’d walked in looking so poised and calm, tired and lost but taking pains to hide it behind a neat haircut and prim accent, with his red carnation and polished glasses. Vax remembered the first thoughts that had entered his head along with the chiming bell of the cafe door. How he’d thought him a little stiff, a little strange, someone he could grow a fondness for in time. 

Now, nearly a full year later, he was openly showing his hurts. He wore them on his face, in the dark circles under his eyes, in the way his hands anxiously, unconsciously wrung each other. There was no more hiding, not after everything they'd been through. Vax took some comfort from that. 

And he wondered what Percy was thinking about him. 

There was a very long pause, neither of them sure what to say, just looking at each other helplessly like they each wanted the other to save them. 

In the same instant, Vax awkwardly began with “Hey…” and Percy blurted out, “I’m so sorry.”

Then suddenly they were smiling, hesitant and shy, but smiling. 

“Try again?” Vax hummed. 

Percy nodded gratefully, repeating it again with as much sincerity as he could muster, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Vax’ildan.” 

Vax swallowed, nudging the chair across from him back with one foot, an invitation to sit. Percy did, sinking down into it. 

“You really hurt me, Percy,” Vax rasped, pressing against the wound inside him by thinking about it, “The things you said…they’re not true, I was never using you… ”

Percy’s face crumpled, “I know. I know that, Vax, I swear. I was just… I was angry at myself. I was jealous. I was bitter. None of that is an excuse, I know, it’s all my problem. But I will never forgive myself for lashing out at you, that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” 

Vax bit his lip, “You were jealous?” 

Percy looked down at his hands, “It’s so stupid… I acted like a child. But yes, I… I was jealous. And instead of talking to you about it, I just made things worse. But I’m not just coming here with an apology, I’m coming to you with a promise never to do it again.” 

“You were...jealous? That I went on a date?” 

Percy seemed caught off guard, “Uh...yeah?” 

“Shit,” Vax croaked, “Shaun was right.” 

“I’m sorry?”

Vax summoned up all of his courage, everything that had made him brave enough to still want to be happy, and leaned forward, “Percy, do you love me?”

Percy’s eyes brimmed until they shone and in that moment, they looked so fucking beautiful, “Yes. I have for a while and...honestly, it scared me. I didn’t know what to do with it at first. I didn’t see myself as someone who deserved to feel like that, I guess, I just felt like such an idiot…” 

“I think I know what you mean,” Vax whispered, starting to smile, “But I love you too. And I trust you. And I want to try this. So what does that make me?”

The tears that had been lingering there finally spilled over and Percy’s eyes became miniature seas, churning and rolling with their own waves, “It makes you the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I’m never going to stop being amazed that I’m allowed to have you in my life.” 

They came together like the movement of the Earth itself, inevitable and with a sense of everything returning to how it was meant to be. They had spent months kissing, holding each other, exploring every part of their bodies together but now, as they did nothing more than slide their arms around each other, it felt so precious and new and exhilarating. It felt like a first time. 

All Vax had been looking for was someone who would be nice to him. All Percy had been looking for was a friend. 

What they’d found was a future together. 

_ Two years later… _

The Blooming Grove was always busy on rainy days. Something about the sweet, honey coloured warmth it’s windows spilled out into the street just beckoned people in, making it seem like the most perfect shelter from any kind of bad weather. 

But almost as if fate- or, more likely, Caduceus Clay- had intended it, their table was free. The black, wrought iron table with the delicate glass mosaic pressed into the top, sat right in the window so they could look out and see the sheets of rain coming down and making the grey world even greyer and feel even warmer from the fact that they weren’t out in it. 

Percy took a deep breath and straightened the two mugs, one in front of him, one in front of the empty chair across from him, both of them full of coffee that was so thick and black, it looked like ink. Vax’s favourite. Feeling the same, utterly identical stab of panic he’d felt a hundred times since he’d left the house, his hand shot into his pocket. 

Yes, it was still there, just as it had been since he placed it there. The circlet of niello engraved silver, a small but perfect diamond held within a set of tiny, intricately engraved wings. He’d made it himself. 

It wasn’t a throwing knife. But he hoped it would do the job. 

Percy’s eyes snapped to the clock. Vax was late getting back from rehearsal but then, he’d expected that. This was the company’s first production since he’d earned the role of principal dancer and he was giving it everything, working all hours, humming the songs under his breath even in the shower. 

And he really had earned it. Percy might have set up the production company but Vax had refused to just be handed the top spot. Finally given the space to do so, he’d simply worked hard and shone. Just as Percy knew he would. 

So he’d accounted for lateness. He’d accounted for everything in fact. He wanted this to be perfect. 

It had to be perfect…

The sound of the wind and rain suddenly grew stronger as the door opened, just for a moment before it was firmly shut. Percy looked up to see his half elf walking in, shaking rain from his dark hair, brushing it from his jacket. 

Vax looked different these days but in very small ways. He stood taller, he smiled wider. He had little creases at the corners of his eyes from smiling so much. 

Percy hoped the same changes, the little signs of a life well lived, could be seen on his own face. But he doubted they looked as beautiful as they did on Vax’ildan. 

He kept the ring in his grip as he smiled and waved and watched the man he loved light up upon seeing him there. 

And Percy realised it didn’t have to be perfect. They had never needed perfect.

They’d only needed each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm over on Tumblr, @mollymauk-teafleak if you want a variety of other CR AUs!


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